Thursday, March 25, 2004

All right, NOW we have a manhood problem.

Longtime readers of mine know that I don't put a whole lot of stock in the idea that America has somehow "lost its manhood", a thesis that I generally find holding sway in people who have watched too many John Wayne movies and who have the whole "gun as surrogate phallus" thing going on to a level that's a tad creepy. (See that idiotic "Pussification" essay by Kim Du Toit from a few months back for the best -- or worst -- framing of the "argument".) I tend to think that America has never been any greater a repository of "manhood" than anyplace else, and that American "manhood" is doing just fine. OK? OK.

But come on!

"Exercise guru Richard Simmons allegedly slapped a man who made a sarcastic remark about one of his videos, police said. Simmons, known for his Sweatin' to the Oldies series of exercise videos set to songs from the 1950s and 60s, was cited for misdemeanor assault."

Just think: there's a man out there, somewhere, who had to tell the police that he was assaulted by Richard Simmons. Well, I hope he was a midget; otherwise, someone's got a problem in the "testosterone" area.

(Actually, isn't the mental image of Richard Simmons in a Greco-wrestling match with a midget kind of appealing, in a "I'd like to watch that on the USA Network at 1:30 a.m. after drinking eight beers" kind of way?)

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