Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Did the Millennium Falcon have cupholders?

The daughter was watching Return of the Jedi the other day (which she selected because she likes the part where "the Emperor shoots lightning out of his fingers"), and when she got to the point in the final assault on the Death Star when the Millennium Falcon, traversing the Death Star's superstructure, encounters a tight squeeze and loses the radar dish from it's topside, I inadvertently pictured a bunch of guys sitting in the MF's cargo hold, watching a telecast of some sporting event when the dish went. Maybe a podrace:

GUY #1: Whoa! Sebulba's in the lead!

GUY #2: What a comeback!

GUY #1: Here comes the finish! Here it is…any second now….

(Very loud metallic BONK, and the screen suddenly goes all snowy)


GUY #2: Yeah, man! And I spilled my beer! Who's flying this ship, anyway!

And a few minutes later, when the MF and Wedge arrive at the Death Star's reactor, I suddenly wondered what must have gone through the head of the poor slob who was piloting that single TIE fighter that made it there with them. I guess he'd be relieved that alone of all his buddies he didn't end up as a grease spot on the walls of the shaft. He's probably breathing huge sighs of relief, and wiping sweat from his brow – until he realizes that Wedge and Lando are blowing up the reactor, and he needs to get his ass out of there, pronto. So he whips around and follows the Rebels out, figuring, "OK, you did this once, you can do it again…." And he almost does. He's just so close, he can probably see the exit, when the flames catch him from behind.

What would be pretty funny is if that TIE pilot turned out to be Sebulba, the cheating pod-racer from The Phantom Menace. As he blows up, he could yell "Poo-doo!" one last time. (Yeah, I know, George Lucas would get roasted alive by the fans if he ever did this. But I'd find it slightly amusing.)

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