It's a fair cop.

According to this engine, my name directly proves that I am evil. I'm not sure I understand the translation, but using ASCII values, my name somehow translates to the number 12989. From there, we get this unblinking logic:

Subtract 69, the year of the destruction of Jerusalem. The result will be 12920.

Divide the number by 002 - this is the symbol of greed, backwards. It gives 6460.

Turn the number backwards, subtract 7 - the sacred number of Illuminati. The number is now 639.

Turn the number backwards, subtract 64 - the year of the Great Fire of Rome. The number is now 872.

Turn the number backwards, multiply by 3 - the symbol of fulfillment. The number is now 834.

This number, when read backwards, gives 438. This, written in octal, gives 666 - the number of the Beast.

Enough said - QED.

Well, I guess that says it all. I should probably go find some little child, that I might steal her candy; or perhaps seek out a dog to kick or a little old lady's purse to snatch. I've only just found out that I'm evil, so I have to start small, right? I mean, it's not like I can turn evil and then run right out and kill a bunch of younglings. No one does that when they've just turned evil.

Say, I wonder if, in addition to being evil, if I might also be a witch? If so, it follows that I must be made of wood, and would therefore weigh the same as a duck. I didn't realize ducks were so heavy these days....

UPDATE: Link fixed. Geez.