1) Do you have a crush on somebody?
No. Absolutely not. Uh-uh. Except for Sela Ward. And Jewel Staite on Firefly. And Gillian Anderson. Ummm...oh, and The Wife. Yup. (God, I hope she doesn't read this.)
2) Do you hate more than 3 people?
I don't like hate. So no. (When I say that I hate Tom Brady, that's a figure of speech. The only ill I wish on the guy is for him to go 0-16 every season for the rest of his NFL career.)
3) How many houses have you lived in?
Hmmmm. The Wife and I have only lived in apartments (four thus far). With the Parents, there were -- I think -- nine. (We moved a lot.)
4) Favorite candy bar?
The Boyer's Peanut Butter Smoothie. Great stuff. (John's answer, Baby Ruth, is another favorite. I love those.)
(There's no question 5! Anybody want to suggest a Question 5?)
6) Have you ever tripped someone?
Yeah, in grade school. Kids are jerks, and I was no exception.
7) Least favorite school subject?
In general, I couldn't work up any interest in economics.
8) How many pairs of shoes do you own?
Four: boots I wear at The Store, hiking boots for everyday stuff, two pairs of sport sandals. I need to get some sneakers, and I want some new Birkenstocks.
9)Do you own a Britney Spears CD?
GAHHH! It burns! It burns!
10) Have you ever thrown up in public?
Yes, but not due to drinking. No idea what it was, but when I was ten I threw up in the WaldenBooks at the Eastern Hills Mall. It just came out with utterly no warning, which really sucked because that store is just a couple of stores away from a Sears and its bathroom where I certainly would have gone. I've never wanted to die more than I did at that moment.
11) Name one thing that is always on your mind:
12) Favorite genre of music?
Classical. (I could also name film music and Celtic music.)
13) What's your sign?
14) What time were you born?
I used to know, but I no longer remember precisely. It was sometime between 10:00 and midnight, though.
15) Do you like beer?
Yes. Haven't had one in a long time. Now I want one.
16) Have you ever made a prank phone call?
Yes, in college. Nothing dirty; just waking people up in the middle of the night.
18) Are you sarcastic?
In person, yes. Online, probably.
19) What are your favorite colors?
Purple, red, green, and blue. (Truthfully, it's easier to note that my least favorite colors are orange and brown, and I don't even hate those.)
20) How many watches do you own?
Three, but only one is a daily-use watch. The other two need batteries.
21) Summer or winter?
22) Is anyone in love with you?
Goodness, I hope so!
23) Favorite color to wear?
See #19 above. I like to wear lots of colors. (At work it's all black, all the time, except in summer when, well, it's not.)
24) Pepsi or Sprite?
Pepsi. With rum in it.
25) What color is your cell phone?
I don't own one.
26) Where is your second home?
I have a summer penthouse atop one of the tallest buildings on Coruscant, and a winter place in The Shire.
27) Have you ever slapped someone?
28) Have you ever had a cavity?
29) How many lamps are in your bedroom?
Two: one small lamp on each bedstand.
30) How many video games do you own?
Currently, none. The Daughter has a few kid games for the computer. Were I to introduce video games to the home, well, let's just say things would get ugly, very quickly.
31) What was your first pet?
We always had multiple cats, from the day I was born. The first cat that was nominally "mine" was a longhair named Barfy. She died of feline diabetes in 1986 or 1987.
32) Ever had braces?
No. Occasionally the dentist would suggest them, but my mother always said that nobody ever died from a slight overbite.
33) Do looks matter?
Regrettably, yes. They shouldn't, but they do. Because we're stupid.
34) Do you use chapstick?
Never got the hang of them, but I got a set as part of a larger sushi set for Christmas, so I plan to practice!
Oh, chapstick! I thought it said chopsticks. Oops. Not Chapstick, but a lip balm made my Burt's Bees. Great stuff.
35) Name 3 teachers from high school:
Mrs. Fonner (tenth grade geometry; pure evil and an outstanding teacher); Mrs. Finn (the less said about her the better -- save that she was the Blofeld to my James Bond); Mr. Engel (eleventh grade American history -- good guy, interesting lecturer).
36) American Eagle or Abercrombie?
Neither. I used to like AE years ago before it went all pseudo-Gap (and stopped carrying stuff my size), and I've never once set foot in an Abercrombie.
37) Are you too forgiving?
I have no idea. I'll hold grudges for long periods of time, but then give them up with amazing ease.
38) How many children do you want?
I'm not answering this, as this is not a topic that has treated me or my family well.
39) Do you own something from Hot Topic?
I don't even know what Hot Topic is.
40) Favorite breakfast meal:
Just one? I adore waffles and pancakes, drenched with syrup, and sausage or bacon on the side. In fact, we often have that for dinner. I love egg dishes -- omelets and quiches and frittatas and all that. And I love a plain bagel with cream cheese.
No, I can't name just one. Sorry.
41) Do you own a gun?
No. Guns scare the crap out of me. I have no problem with their legal sale and ownership and all that jazz, but I have absolutely no desire to own one.
42) Ever thought you were in love?
Remember my answer from my yearly wrap-ups: I fall in love on a daily basis. Love is by far the most useful emotion we have; it's a shame people don't indulge it more.
43) When was the last time you cried?
I blubber at movies with amazing ease, so it was probably during The Sound of Music on New Year's Night.
44) What did you do 3 nights ago?
Obligatory Casablanca quote: That's so long ago I don't remember.
But seriously, I was at home with The Daughter. We made dinner, listened to Thistle and Shamrock on the radio, did bedtime, stuff like that.
45) Olive Garden?
What about it? I like it, although we haven't eaten there in a number of years.
46) Have you ever called your teacher mommy?
What? I probably did, I guess. That literally is so long ago I don't remember!
47) Have you ever been in a castle?
Casa Loma in Toronto.
None that I know of.
49) Do you know anyone named Bertha?
50) Ever been to Kentucky?
No. (This probably explains my life's lack of Berthas.)
51) Do you own something from Banana Republic?
Nope. I'm more of a Target kind of guy now, sometimes JCPenney if I get a good deal.
52) Are you thinking about somebody right now?
I'm always thinking of somebody. Jerk owes me money, and....
53) Ever called somebody Boo?
Huh?! This is one weird quiz.
54) Do you smoke?
No. Nasty habit, completely gross, and I feel no sympathy for the aggrieved smokers in today's society, either. Sorry, any smokers in my readership I've offended, but if you want to do it in your own cars, your own homes, or outside, that's fine.
55) Do you own a diamond ring?
No. The diamond cartels can bite me.
56) Are you happy with your life right now?
I don't know. Part of it, yes, absolutely. Parts of it, though, make me want to go back to Albuquerque and take that left turn that Bugs always missed.
57) Do you dye your hair?
58) Does anyone have a crush on you?
Wow, I hope so!
59) Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?
This is Buffalo. Tim Hortons. (Truth be told, though, I'm not a big fan of their coffee.)
60) What were you doing in May of 1994?
Starting work at Pizza Hut.
62) McDonald's or Wendy's?
63) Do you like yourself?
Yup! I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.
64) Are you closer to your mother or father?
Neither. Equally close to each, I think. They've been married 45 years.
65) Favorite physical feature of the preferred sex?
Breasts, really. And eyes. And hair. Long, luxuriant hair that I can lose myself in for days, and...oh, sorry about that. I'm back now.
66) Are you afraid of the dark?
67) Have you ever eaten paste?
Well, I probably tasted glue at some point or other. I never sat around eating the stuff, though.
68) Do you own a webcam?
69) Have you ever stripped?
Were I to do so, it would be immediately followed by a terrible rash of self-inflicted eye injuries by those unfortunate enough to behold it. So no.
70) Ever broke a bone?
Kid pushed me off my bike in seventh grade; I broke my collarbone. No idea whatever became of that kid. I heard once that he was in jail.
71) Are you religious?
I could spend days trying to answer that question, and get absolutely nowhere. I don't know if I am, or if I want to be, or if I'm trying to be, or what. I guess I'm like the poster on Agent Mulder's wall: "I want to believe." (Problem is, I don't know what.)
72) Do you chat on AIM often?
No. I used to chat with Mr. Jones a lot, when I was unemployed and thus home during the day, but not so much anymore. Don't know why.
73) Pringles or Lays?
Zapp's. (Trust me, folks. I prefer Lays to Pringles, but Zapp's makes both taste like rice cakes.)
74) Have you ever broken someone's heart?
I don't know. I only broke up with one girl in my life before I started dating The Eventual Wife, and I don't know if we were going out long enough at the time for it to be a heartbreak for her. It was the right thing to do -- I was damaged goods at the time -- but I felt horrible doing it, like I'd led her on. I suppose I had.
75) Rugrats or Doug?
Never watched either, so no answer.
76) Full House or The Brady Bunch?
Brady Bunch. I loved the sheer goofiness of it, while I loathed Full House. I hated those twins, and I've never liked Bob Saget, either. (I don't like Saget on 1 vs 100, and I'm not even wild about his voice-overs on How I Met Your Mother, a show which is otherwise highly entertaining.)
77) Do you like your high school guidance counselor?
Don't remember him all that well, but he seemed OK at the time.
78) Has anyone ever called you fat?
Now, this is funny: I got called fat all the time as a kid, until ninth grade or so when that suddenly all stopped. Then I was never called fat again until just this past year, when two people did it online, one on a blog and one in an anonymous comment here. Weird.
You know what? When I see all the beautiful women who are now married to fat guys -- myself included -- I think that my mission in life should be to go around to every fat kid on the planet and say, "Don't worry, kid. Just wait ten years, because eventually the women won't care about that."
79) Do you have a birth mark?
No. But I do have something on my back that looks like a map to the mines of King Solomon. Wonder what that's all about....
80) Do you own a car?
A 1994 Plymouth Acclaim. White. Burgundy interior. In layman's terms, a "Grannymobile".
81) Can you cook?
Heh! Oh yes, I can cook. It's the main weapon in my arsenal for the wooing of women. That, and fear. My two chief weapons are cooking and fear. And surprise. My three main weapons....(Monty Python joke there, obviously.)
84) Money or love?
Duh! With money, I'll buy love! Haaa!
85) Do you have any scars?
One on my chin, from when I had stitches in second grade (fell off my bike, onto my chin). It's currently not visible, due to the beard.
86) What do you want more than anything right now?
I genuinely don't know! World peace? A large pizza with Italian sausage and onions? A tricked-out laptop? A house of our own, on two acres of land? A pint of Coffee Haagen-Dasz? A set of high-quality power tools, along with a one-year course in carpentry? A coconut cream pie? Guy Gavriel Kay's new book (already available to Our Evil Canadian Cousins)? One of my stories to be published? A bigger TV? A great offseason for the Bills, leading to a Super Bowl title? Kevin McClatchy to sell the Pittsburgh Pirates to Mark Cuban?
I don't know.
87) Do you enjoy scary movies?
Depends. I hate splattery-gore type movies, but I love creepy atmosphere.
88) Relationships or one night stands?
Relationships. I never had a one-night stand even when I was single.
90) Do you enjoy greasy food?
I live in Buffalo. Take a wild guess!
91) Have you seen all the Rocky movies?
No. I never saw the fifth one, or the current one.
92) Do you own a box of crayons?
My home is ruled by a seven year old. We swim in Crayons. I brush my teeth with Crayons.
93) Who was the last person that said they loved you?
94) Who was the last person that made you cry?
A guy at work. (It was crying laughing.)
95) Who was the last person that made you laugh?
The Daughter, who comes up with some of the whackiest stuff.
97) Who was the last person that called you?
The Wife. She calls from work every night.
And that's the quiz -- except for the mysterious missing Questions Numbers 5, 17, 61, 82, 83, and 96! Anybody want to suggest some substitute questions for those ones?
UPDATE 1-24-07: In comments, Bella proposes a few substitute questions for the missing ones. Her questions are too good to lose in the shuffle of this quiz, so I'm going to sit on those for a while. I hope you don't mind, Bella!
Also, John says that the missing questions are his fault! Well, that seems like a prosaic answer to a potentially interesting riddle -- but anyway, I followed the backward progression of links to where he got it, Lefty Brown's Corner. Here I find the missing Questions 82 and 83, but not 5, 17, or 61! The mystery deepens: who would eviscerate a blog-quiz, and why? This is a case for Inspector Google!
Before we go searching, let's get 82 and 83 out of the way:
82) 5 things that annoy you:
People who use the completely wrong tool for a task (i.e., using Tapcon masonry screws to hang things on drywall, or who use a chisel to open a paint can); the fact that my work boots and my everyday hiking boots look alike in the dark, so every so often I wear the hiking boots to work (and they're just not suited to eight hours on my feet); "pies" made of shaving cream (right, Bella?); going to restaurants in other locales, ordering "Buffalo Wings", and getting served breaded wings with the tips still attached; the freezer in my apartment which is too small.
83) Do you text message often?
I don't own a phone, and even if I did, I can't see myself text-messaging. I can't see myself taking the time to learn the keystrokes.
OK. So now I'm googling about, looking for 5, 17, and 61. Well, here's an apparent version of the same quiz, and I see that 61 is, well, kind of a dumb question:
61) Have you ever caught a guy/girl checking out your butt?
I'm not feeling good about the prospects for 5 and 17, folks.
Ahhh, here's a question 17, from here. Not too bad:
17) What is the most embarassing CD you own?
I can't say as I'm terribly embarrassed by any of my CDs. Boy George's Greatest Hits, maybe? But not even that. He may be a colossally strange guy, but I always liked his singing voice, and "Karma Khameleon" is just a fun pop song.
So what about Question 5, then? It looks like various people have changed things around as this quiz has moved through Blogistan -- here, question 78 asks if I've ever been called a "tease", not "fat". Also, going back a ways, it seems that this started in LiveJournalopia, that weird corner of Blogistan where the men all marry their cousins or something. So I suspect that the search for Question 5 may be fruitless -- it could be any such question, really.
However, this version of the quiz has a different Question 17 (and no Question 16!), which seems to follow nicely off Question 4 of the version I did ("Favorite candy bar"), so I'm just going to designate that as Question 5 for my version of the quiz and call it good:
5) Favorite non-chocolate candy?
Skittles. Those things are like crack to me.
And there we have it.
(I gotta get out more....)