Alan Bedenko is apparently amused at the low-quality of insults directed his way by the local libertarian whom he enjoys taunting, so it seems to me that what's needed are better insults. Here are some trial-balloons for Alan's perusal. Let's see if these hit the mark!
:: Alan Bedenko wouldn't know a good pizza if it bit him on the arse.
:: Alan Benenko is too provincial and needs to see more of the world than his subdivision in Clarence.
:: Alan Bedenko's dream car is a Ford Pinto.
:: Alan Bedenko would know more if he'd quit drooling on the pin-ups of Sarah Palin and read a bit.