Saying Mean Things about Piers Morgan

So we're watching the first episode of this year's iteration of America's Got Talent, a show which I enjoyed last year because I like goofy acts of the sort that get featured on shows like this; the things that people discover they can do and then hone to a fine talent can be really touching, amazing, or hilarious in the best (and, frankly, worst) way. But I'm reminded also of what a colossal ass Piers Morgan is, and I was about to write a big rant about the degree of his assness, but then I remembered that I ranted about him last year, so I figure this year I'll just satisfy myself each week by writing something mean about Piers Morgan.

For those who aren't watching the show, Piers is the resident BluntBrit of America's Got Talent. Every competition-style reality show, it seems, must have a BluntBrit amongst its judges, because, obviously, Simon Cowell was the original BluntBrit. Never mind that Simon Cowell is a record producer who fronted the show Pop Idol in Britain, the show that actually inspired American producers to come up with American Idol. Anyone who actually watches American Idol knows that (a) Simon knows what he's talking about, and (b) he's not nearly as mean as his reputation suggests. Not so Piers Morgan, who is only there because he's got the British accent. He's there for no other reason than to be a BluntBrit.

So anyway, here's this week's Something Mean about him: I hope that Piers Morgan is bludgeoned into unconsciousness and then dropped naked into the Australian outback, where his body would be slathered with enough beef gravy to attract a pack of starving feral dingoes.