Sunday, June 03, 2007


To all Buffalo-area drivers:

1. Stopping behind a vehicle that is stopped at a Stop sign does not constitute stopping at the Stop sign yourself. You do not get to immediately follow the guy stopped at the Stop sign ahead of you when it comes round to his turn in the Right of Way rotation.

2. If you are turning left, and there is a turn lane present, then get thy ass into the turn lane.

3. It's the law and all, so you're not supposed to be talking on your cell phone while driving. I'm willing to give a pseudo-pass to people who talk on their cell phones when on the open road, but not at intersections and absolutely not when you're in a parking lot and you are backing out of your friggin' space.

4. The number of cars that actually look cooler when a spoiler is attached to the rear is far, far smaller than you might think. The number of cars that actually look stupider when a spoiler is attached to the read is far, far greater than you might think. So, for the guy who put a spoiler on his 1991 Ford Taurus, for the love of God, your car looks idiotic. It's a 1991 Ford Taurus. I don't care if you give it a pair of quad laser cannons and soup up the engine until it makes point five past light speed, it's a 1991 Ford Taurus. Nothing you do will make that car look cooler.

5. Speaking of right-of-way issues, please folks, just remember that if we got to the intersection at the same time, the vehicle on the right goes first. Don't wave me through; just pay attention to the right of way and go, because I'm expecting you to go and it screws me up when I suddenly realize you're not going and realize that you're waving me through. Just go, OK? I promise I'll wait. What am I gonna do with the fifteen extra seconds when I get to my destination?

OK, that's enough car stuff for today. Thank you for listening.


Anonymous said...

Nice to see that these things bother Buffalo natives too. I thought it was just me. But then, driver's ed hasn't been mandatory here in what, a couple of generations now?

Anonymous said...

The only thing sillier than a spoiler on any four-door sedan is a "sport edition" nameplate.

That guy's Taurus may have had both.