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Saturday, March 25, 2006

The Conscience of the King VP

In the course of a grab-bag post, John Scalzi says that he doesn't see the big deal with the recently revealed list of requirements placed on hotels at which Vice President Cheney stays. And it probably isn't, except for two things that I hold to be extremely revealing about the character of our Vice President and the type of being he is.

First, the list does not specify the availability of a portable defibrilator.

Second, the list specifies that the TVs shall be pre-tuned to FOX News.

Now, it's not surprising at all that Cheney would watch FOX News. His choice of channels doesn't interest me. What does interest me is the insistence that the TVs already be set to that channel when he walks into the room.

This means that Cheney's immediate impulse, upon entering a hotel room and flopping down on the bed or into the chair, is not to grab the remote and start flipping.

These two pieces of evidence convince me that Vice President Cheney is, in fact, not a human being at all. He has no heart, and he has no hint of the male compulsion to channel-flip when presented with a new TV and an unknown set of available channels.

The lack of a defibrilator, for a guy who has been reported as having "heart trouble" in the past, implies that he has no heart trouble at all. This makes me suspect that his previous hospitalizations for "heart trouble" were, in fact, treatments to maintain the appearance of his syntho-skin, in order to maintain his appearance as a human being as this nefarious being infiltrates our planet.

And I'll bet his "undisclosed location" isn't even on our planet's surface.

It's all becoming clear, now.

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