Sunday, September 25, 2005

A ruthless demonstration of my ignorance

Via Will Duquette, I find this quiz. Ugh. I didn't do very well. (My answers are colored so as to make them much less legible; highlight them if you wish to read them.)

1. Tell, within a dozen, how many books P. G. Wodehouse wrote. Shoot, make it within thirty...

Crap. I know that Wodehouse was quite prolific, so I'll wildly guess one hundred.

2. Name the song playing on the radio when Duke’s Samoan attorney threw the grapefruit into the bathtub.


3. Fill in the blank, "I love the smell of _____________ in the morning."


4. Tell what machine Toad fell in love with after being thrown from his caravan.

No idea.

5. Name the Who’s original drummer.

No idea.

6. Describe the procedure for trapping a heffalump.

Oh, dammit!

7. Name the Black Panther Party member who went from exile in Cuba to preaching at Wheaton Bible Church before designing and selling codpiece-equipped pants.

This is getting embarrassing.

8. Name the artist who played harmonica on Keith Green’s 1980 "So You Wanna Go Back to Egypt" LP.

I don't even know who Keith Green is. Shit.

9. Tell who said, "The policeman isn’t there to create disorder. The policeman is there to preserve disorder."

Now, this sounds familiar. But still, no idea.

10. Name the movie: "Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room."

Dr. Strangelove

11. Name the Beatle with the bare feet.


12. Name the now-dead newspaper columnist who often quoted his friend Slats Grobnik.

Mike Royko

13. Tell what color and model car O.J. Simpson was being driven down the Santa Monica freeway in.

A white Chevy Ford Bronco. I once heard a joke, actually: "Hey, did you hear that John Elway is going to star in a movie about OJ Simpson? He's gonna play the slow white Bronco!" (rimshot)

14. Name the Chicago Bears defensive tackle who scored a touchdown in Super Bowl XX.

William "Refrigerator" Perry

15. Finish the sentence from "Cool Hand Luke": "What we have here is a failure to _____________ ."


16. Name the movie this line comes from: "It's just a flesh wound! Come back and I'll bite your kneecaps off!"

Well, the quote's not entirely accurate, but the general idea's from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

17. Name the song that ends with the drummer shouting, "I’ve got blisters on my fingers!"


18. Name the lead guitarist on the Beatles’ "While My Guitar Gently Weeps."

OK, I know they revolutionized popular music and all that, but I think I can lead a perfectly cultured life without knowing anything about the Beatles. End rant.

19. Name the Tom Wolfe book originally serialized in Rolling Stone magazine.

Just a guess, but is it Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test?

20. Name the television series modeled on the work of a New Yorker cartoonist.

Well, there was that one episode of Seinfeld....

My oh my, that was a freaking diaster. I'm embarrassed. So what's a blogger to do, but reassert his superiority by amending the quiz to add ten more questions to which I do know the answers? Ha!

11. Only two baseball players have ended the World Series by hitting a walk-off home-run. Name them.
12. Roger Ebert wrote a screenplay many years ago. Name the director of the resulting film.
13. Name the two ingredients in a roux. (There's some wiggle-room here, actually.)
14. Leonard Bernstein wrote a symphony based on what poem by W.H. Auden?
15. Harold Arlen, Vincent Gallo, Orel Hershiser, Ani DiFranco, and Christine Baranski all have this in common.
16. Give the real names of Click and Clack, the Tappet Brothers.
17. Johannes Brahms wrote ____ symphonies. (For extra credit, Brahms wrote ____ of his ____ symphonies in major keys.)
18. In the 23rd century, the United Federation of Planets maintains only one crime that still carries a death penalty. Name that crime.
19. Name Wolverine's mutant superpower.
20. On what planet did Luke Skywalker learn the truth of his parentage? (There are two possible answers here, actually.)

Heck, this is fun, so here are ten more. Heh!

21. In the opening passage of Neuromancer, what color is the sky?
22. In the James Bond films, what is Q's name?
23. What hardly happens in Hartford, Hereford and Hampshire?
24. What composer fell madly in love at first sight with actress Harriet Smithson? (For extra credit, what role was she playing at the time?)
25. Give the last names of the two Brians in 1988's "Battle of the Brians".
26. Four NFL coaches have lost four Super Bowls. Name the one who is NOT in the Hall of Fame.
27. What nineteenth century English writer is also known for introducing a certain style of postal box?
28. Everybody knows who shot J.R. Ewing. But who shot Bobby Ewing?
29. Who said "Play it again, Sam" in Casablanca?
30. Mabel Normand is credited with being the originator of what?

OK, that's enough for now. Feel free to answer and add questions of your own, bloggers!

UPDATE: In comments, Aaron corrects my make of car in one of the original questions. So what do I know about cars? Also, he wonders why my additional questions start at number 11. This is, of course, an error, but it also suggests another question: Name the object whose settings end at '11'.

UPDATE II: The answers are available here.

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