Monday, October 15, 2007

Still active after all these years

In the hallway at The Store that leads to the public restrooms, the walls are adorned with prints of old photographs from the community (West Seneca, NY), which I assume were procured from the local historical society. I've looked at each of these photographs in the time I've worked there, since part of my job involves cleaning those restrooms; one of those photos, though, has been particularly interesting to me in that time. Mainly this is because it is on the wall directly opposite the Ladies' Room, and I often have to stand outside this room for several minutes while those persons inside finish their duties, thus giving me time to study this photograph.

I've looked at the faces in that photograph many times, and I've come to see personalities within them, just from the way the people look: their postures, their expressions. The photograph is of a schoolroom, and the people are the schoolkids -- probably in the ten to eleven year old range -- and their teacher. I see things about these kids, and I'm always wanting to discuss these observations of mine with someone else, but restroom cleaning's a pretty solitary job, and none of the women exiting the restroom (or entering, come to that) are ever much inclined to listen to the musings of the maintenance guy on the old photo.

This, in short, is a job that blogging was meant for. But how?

Well, today I'm standing there as usual, waiting for my opportunity to tidy up that restroom, and it suddenly occurred to me that my cell phone has a camera. I took a shot of the old photograph, e-mailed it to myself, and now I can at last present it here:



First, all of the kids are in the back of the room with a bunch of empty desks at the front, which makes it clear that they all moved to different desks to accommodate the photographer. Also, no one is smiling, which is the way things usually are in old photographs like this -- when did smiling become the standard behavior for photographs, anyway? But maybe there's a tendency to assume that a lack of a smile means a lack of display of personality, and it turns out, that's just not the case.

The teacher, standing in the rear, looks like a fairly stern fellow, but this might not be the case. In any event, he's totally focused on the photo being taken: his suit is in perfect order, his posture is straight, and with his hands folded behind his back, he looks like he's in confident command of this classroom.

A lot of the kids are in similarly straight, controlled postures. But not all of them. Look at that girl just to the teacher's right: she's turned slightly toward the back, she has her elbow rested on the back of her chair, and she's leaning her head against her hand. Also at the back of the room (rear seat, second column from the right) is a girl who is leaning forward with her arms folded on the top of her desk. That interests me, since most everyone else has their arms carefully down, out of view. It's interesting to contrast those two girls with, say, the one in the second seat back on the rightmost column: that girl is the very model of the posture one expects from a photograph in this era. Her back is utterly straight, her head is held precisely forward, her arms and hands out of view.

Turning to the boys in the photograph, other interesting things appear as I look at this. All of the boys have open schoolbooks on their desks. (In fairness, the angle makes it hard to determine conclusively if the girls are sitting without books on their desks, but I don't think they are.) I don't think this says anything about boys and girls, necessarily. Or maybe it does. I'm no historian of education, after all; does it mean anything that the boys have the books?

Again I turn to posture and clothing. All of the boys wear ties, either long ties or bowties. Of the seven, four wear jackets. That boy at the far left is wearing a sweater, it appears, and his left arm is cocked back onto the desk of the girl behind him, and he's holding his book in what appears to be an exaggerated pose. Nobody's going to do much reading of a book that size from that posture, so it seems to me that this guy's showing off a bit. Maybe he's the cocky one, the class clown.

Moving rightward, we have two boys in jackets and bowties. Nothing about the boy in front really stands out, but there's something about the boy behind him that's stronger, more assured. This kid always looks confident as hell to me, and there's something about him that says "rich kid" to me -- maybe it's his jacket and upright, strong posture. Frankly, he looks like George Will a bit, doesn't he? Yup, this is the banker's son, I'll bet. Here's the class Republican. (I kid, there -- but he does have that upper-crust air about him, even however-many-years later.)

Of the other four boys in this photograph, the two that interest me are the ones sitting in the front of the right two columns. Taking the boy in the dark shirt and light tie, it interests me that he sits kind-of slumped down fashion, with his arms flopped down at his side. He isn't even feigning an interest in the book on his desk, the way all of the other boys are holding their books as if to suggest that their actual studies are being photographed. This kid is having none of that. This kid looks to me like a blunt, working-class type: not dumb, but rather of the mindset that this particular exercise is just another example of the kind of BS in life that's best got done with right fast.

The boy at the far right is terribly interesting to me. First, he's not sitting in the center of that desk; he's edged all the way to the right of the seat. This is probably because it's not his normal seat at all, for the reason stated above, but it makes him look terribly uncomfortable anyway, especially in light of the way he is holding his book at an angle and looking up at the camera in a terribly sheepish way. Whereas the last boy wanted to get the photograph done with because it's all just a dumb waste of time, this kid doesn't want to be photographed at all. This kid looks scared to me, timid, as if he's the kid who spends every moment of his school day praying, over and over again, like a mantra: "Please don't call on me. Please don't call on me. Please don't call on me." He's in the front of his column, and he looks totally ill-at-ease with this.

What else about this photograph interests me? Well, there's the total lack of decoration in this classroom. I know it was an earlier time, but no hanging skeleton, if it's a science class? No wall maps? No chart of the proper forms of the letters of the alphabet? What's with the apparent netting on the walls? Are there decorations that were removed for some reason at the time of photography?

I also love the desks. I remember desks where chair and desktop were one unit, but these somehow reverse it: the chair is attached to the desktop for the student behind, not the student sitting in the chair. And, of course, this was the era when iron furniture had all kinds of ornate stuff going on in and around the framework. There's a real sense of craft here.

Unfortunately, the tag that was once attached to the photograph, thus identifying its time and place (in the lower right corner you can see where the tag once was), is long-gone, so I can't speculate on how old any of these kids might be if they were alive today (or if that might be feasible in the first place). It's still a fascinating window into an earlier time, when even the apparent formality of a schoolroom photograph couldn't totally suppress the individual personalities of the children.

Sentential Links #114

One hundred fourteen! Woot! Or something like that. Anyhow, on with the links....

:: Never open a book with weather.

:: When you have lost hope, when your world feels broken, it is so important to remember what a tremendous difference a year can make. Anything is possible. Sometimes the universe surprises you. (Isn't that the truth....)

:: You know, all in a day's work.

:: The 3-story rowhouse at #9 Hillsleigh Road in the Notting Hill borough of London is a house I never lived in. Despite this one tiny, insignificant fact, I have some great memories of the years I called it home.

:: Ah, yes, settling Soviet hash through a massive war during which, one assumes, no bloodshed or suffering or any other unpleasantness would have taken place. Too bad we listened to weak-kneed Harry Truman. (And here. I swear....)

:: Most of us are grateful that we got through the Cold War without a nuclear cataclysm; these people see it as a missed opportunity.

:: Al Gore has a habit of bringing out the worst in conservatives -- especially their eagerness to smear and their self-imposed ignorance about the nature of science and how the world really works.

No doubt, if they were ever self-aware enough to recognize this, though, they'd just find a way to blame Gore for it.


:: I have many words to explain how very much I loved my father, but none to capture how much I miss him already.

:: Part of the fun of watching new series is seeing how the writing staff experiments and shapes it. BACK TO YOU has top people at the helm. My guess is they’re only going to make the show better.

:: It’s good to see that Deanna, who has long be consigned to child-raising and house-maintenance duties, has accepted her position as a mere employee in Michael Patterson’s Wonderful Life and has agreed to wear a name tag. OR.... He kind of looks like the victim of a drive-by prostate exam. (That last is, technically, a comment by a reader of that blog. But wow, that's funny.)

:: According to Entertainment Weekly, George Lucas is currently on the hunt for a number of writers to script 13 episodes of his planned live-action Star Wars TV series. (I'm here, George! And I'm not doing anything! I can be out there the day after tomorrow, if you want! Wife? Daughter? Pagh!)

OK, we're done now. Tune in next week. Because if you don't, you're a poopyhead.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Remember

October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. If anyone you know has suffered a loss of this sort, let them know today that you are thinking of them, and if possible, consider lighting a candle this evening in memory and tribute to those lives that were either too short or never lived at all.

We first heard the following song, "Held" by Natalie Grant, performed in our church, a few weeks or so after Little Quinn's funeral:


It's a Christian Contemporary song, and the imagery in the video is overtly Christian, but the best of art, even religious art, can cross over those lines between faiths and non-faiths. This song has become deeply meaningful for our family.

Sunday Burst of Weirdness

And away we go!

:: It always interests me how many times a pretty obvious idea just never gets acted upon, until someone finally realizes, "Hey, no one's ever actually done that, even though everybody's thought of it!"

I mean, really: who hasn't opened up a fortune cookie and thought that it would be funny if the fortunes were pessimistic?

:: A bad disco arrangement of the Main Theme from Star Wars. Bad interpretive dancing. Bad trumpet playing. All together in one moment of awful goodness. On some kind of meta-level, this is certainly George Lucas's fault. Curse you, Miss Douglas, for making me doubt The Flanneled One!

:: This is clearly an example of plucking the low-hanging fruit, but I'm always a sucker for news anchors who lose their composure and start giggling uncontrollably on the air. (The slow motion of that model falling is priceless, though -- especially the second time, when she gets all wobbly before finally going down.) Of course, for the ESPN lovers among us, the canonical instance of this sort of thing is Charlie Steiner's reaction to Carl Lewis singing the National Anthem before an NBA game. (Actually, Steiner lost it a bunch of times on air, but the Carl Lewis one was the best.)

Tune in again next week.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

One ring to rule them all....

It's coming out three weeks from this Tuesday. Mine's pre-ordered already. I'm carrying around a cloth with me to wipe up the drool.

BuffStuff

The other night, the Buffalo News gathered a few of the Usual Suspects from the Buffalo Prefecture of Blogistan to talk about blogging. You can hear the entire presentation, via a series of podcasts, starting here. It's all interesting stuff, and as always, it's entertaining to hear what bloggers actually sound like when they're not typing. Check it out.

Also, it's clear to me that the Buffalo section of my blogroll is fairly out-of-date, so if anyone has suggestions as to what needs to be added here, feel free to drop a link in comments. I'm gearing up to do an overhaul of the entire blogroll soon anyway.

Finally, remember that we're trying to get a Blogging Christmas Party together for Saturday, December 8, in the evening. Time and location aren't totally settled yet -- I've tossed out the Buffalo Sports Garden in Orchard Park at 7:00 pm, but that's open to debate as always (someone pointed out that their menu isn't very vegetarian-friendly, for instance). I'll try cobbling together an invitation-type thing sometime soon, but if anyone seriously disagrees with that tentative location, now's the time to speak up!

One Year Ago


Destructive weather II, originally uploaded by Jaquandor.

This was the scene at One Jaquandor Way, one year ago this morning, when a massive lake-effect snow storm hit the Buffalo area very early in the year, destroying many still-leafy trees in the process and knocking out power to thousands of people, many of whom suffered thusly for more than a week.

Here's my post from the day after the storm. Oddly enough, except for a few flickerings of our lights, we never lost power at Casa Jaquandor. But what a strange, strange week that was: lines outside the gas stations that looked like something out of a 1978-era news film; The Store was powered entirely by a generator truck for at least five days after the storm; the general look of weariness that marked anyone whose power hadn't been restored yet; convoys of giant power trucks dominating the roads.

And in the middle of it all, the Sabres were opening their season 10-0. Wow, what a time!

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Bass Pro...and counting....

It's a "Done deal".

Bass Pro is coming to Buffalo, where they'll be building in the same location they were originally going to build, but which they then decided not to in favor of a second location that was then scuttled when a bunch of preservationists decided that we needed to preserve some stuff that isn't there to be preserved anyway, at which point they decided to go back to Location A but with a different plan for a building to build anyway.

Do I have that right?

I'm wondering in what order these events will happen:

1. American troops leave Iraq.
2. A manned mission lands on Mars.
3. The Buffalo Bills win a Super Bowl.
4. The Buffalo Sabres win a Stanley Cup.
5. Bass Pro opens in Buffalo.

I love the new design. But then, I loved the last design. I just want something, anything, built. I'm just afraid that at this rate, they'll end up building a new 7-11 down there with one of those vending machines out back that dispense nightcrawlers for a buck.

Unidentified Earth 20

And here we are again, after last week's abject failure to keep up. Unidentified Earth 19 proved to be the easiest one to date, apparently; my readers beat it up and took its lunch money. It was, of course, St. Basil's Cathedral in Moscow. I'm probably supposed to award Quatloos to everyone who got it right, but it turns out that nobody used the church's official name, the Cathedral of Intercession of the Virgin on the Moat. So no Quatloos for anyone! Ha! (Sure, that's unfair, but they're my Quatloos, dammit.)

By the way, it turns out that the Cathedral isn't part of the Kremlin at all, but merely resides next door to the Kremlin. I always thought it was on the Kremlin grounds, but both the Cathedral and the Kremlin are on Red Square. OK then.

Anyhoo, time for this week's puzzler:



Where are we?

As always, rot-13 your answers, please!

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Cowboys 25, Bills 24

I guess I need to say something about this game, which has already attained legendary status in Buffalo's annals of negative sports outcomes. I tend to have a sunnier outlook on stuff than most Bills fans, so here it is: I don't think Dick Jauron should be fired (yet), and I think that this game may turn out to be a key foundational event in building the character of a good team to come.

How's that?

The offensive play-calling is baffling, and of this current coaching staff, if there's anyone whom I think should be on a "Job Endangered" list, it's offensive coordinator Steve Fairchild. I don't understand running a reverse on third-and-one; I don't understand the continued refusal to take shots downfield; I certainly don't understand his continued refusal to run the ball in obvious running situations late in games. This was the third time this season that the Bills went "pass-wacky" in a late-game situation:

:: There was the long bomb at about three minutes to go in the Denver game, which the Bills led at the time, 14-12. Had they simply run the ball and kept the clocking going, and everything else had unfolded the same way, the Broncos would have run out of time before kicking the FG to win 15-14.

:: The Bills threw in a similar situation in the Jets game, thus failing to run any time off the clock. This left the Jets enough time to attempt a drive for a tying FG. They came up short when Pennington threw an interception, but it wouldn't -- and needn't -- have ever come to that.

:: And in this game the Bills led 24-16 with six minutes to go. Third-and-eight from the Dallas 11-yard line, so they're easily within FG range. Instead of running, grinding away a minute or so of game time, and getting three points in the bargain to go up by 11, Fairchild called 'pass'. The pass was picked off. The Cowboys didn't get points off that turnover, but they preserved clock and the more manageable point margin they needed to overcome.

I genuinely don't understand why the Bills' coaches keep doing this stuff. It makes no sense. I don't know a single Bills fan who would rather have the offense score touchdowns than have the whole team win games.

On the quarterbacks: I personally think that JP Losman has to be put back in now, if he's healthy, but with the proviso that he's got to show his stuff, now. He had time for growth last year. If the Bills go another four or five games and he still looks the way he did in the first two games this year (when he didn't so much play poorly as barely play at all), then bring on the Edwards Era. (Of course, if some other team wants to offer up a compelling trade offer for Losman, including one or two high draft picks, I'd hope the Bills would take it.) I've been rooting for Losman because, frankly, I like the guy and hope he has a great career. Losman just seems like a good guy, and I like that. But production's production, right?

(However, some perspective is always helpful: if Losman had been under center Monday night and produced the exact same result -- 150 yards or so passing, 0 TDs and a very bad INT, leading the offense to producing just three points -- Bills fans would be calling for his immediate one-way ticket to the waiver wire.)

Finally, I'm hearing a lot of negative stuff about Dick Jauron, how he's too stoic and he's not that good on the X's and O's and how his press conferences can be maddening affairs. (His defense of that third-and-eight pass play? "Well, you don't know that if we run the ball, the back doesn't fumble." Huh?!) I agree to a point. But then I think of how lackadaisical and just plain apathetic the Bills looked through large whacks of the Gregg Williams and Mike Mularkey "eras", where this year's team (and last year's), play with as much fire and heart as I've seen a Bills team even during the glory days. They come up short because of talent, injuries, and yes, poor strategy. But when I look at the way this supposedly overmatched team came out and very nearly knocked off the NFC's best team, I wonder if we're not selling Dick Jauron short as far as his motivational skills go.

Anyway, this week's a bye week. Next up, the Baltimore Ravens, with former underachiever Willis McGahee making his return to Buffalo. I hope they kept his old hotel room and video game controller warm for him.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

The Pharyngula mutating genre meme

PZ Myers has created a new blog-meme thing, and he's tagged me as part of his initial attempt to turn Blogistan into his own personal petri dish. How appalling!!!

Oh well, here are the rules:

There are a set of questions below that are all of the form, "The best [subgenre] [medium] in [genre] is...". Copy the questions, and before answering them, you may modify them in a limited way, carrying out no more than two of these operations:

* You can leave them exactly as is.

* You can delete any one question.

* You can mutate either the genre, medium, or subgenre of any one question. For instance, you could change "The best time travel novel in SF/Fantasy is..." to "The best time travel novel in Westerns is...", or "The best time travel movie in SF/Fantasy is...", or "The best romance novel in SF/Fantasy is...".

* You can add a completely new question of your choice to the end of the list, as long as it is still in the form "The best [subgenre] [medium] in [genre] is...".

* You must have at least one question in your set, or you've gone extinct, and you must be able to answer it yourself, or you're not viable.

Then answer your possibly mutant set of questions. Please do include a link back to the blog you got them from, to simplify tracing the ancestry, and include these instructions.

Finally, pass it along to any number of your fellow bloggers. Remember, though, your success as a Darwinian replicator is going to be measured by the propagation of your variants, which is going to be a function of both the interest your well-honed questions generate and the number of successful attempts at reproducing them.


OK then. PZ gives his own set of questions to start with:

1. The best time travel novel in SF/Fantasy is...

The Anubis Gates, by Tim Powers.

2. The best romantic movie in historical fiction is...

Cold Mountain.

3. The best sexy song in rock is...

Gloria, by Patti Smith.


OK, time for my modifications, with my own answers:

1. The best near-future novel in SF/Fantasy is...

Firestar, by Michael Flynn.

2. The best romantic movie in historical fiction is...

Shakespeare in Love.

3. [deleted original] The best opera recording in classical music is...

Wagner's Der Ring des Nibelungen, Sir Georg Solti/VPO.


OK, I hope I did that right. Now, to do this right, some tags: Tosy and Cosh, Samurai Frog, TeflonJedi, Lynn Sislo, and -- in an further experiment with plugging memes into collectives -- the crowd at No Fear of the Future.

(Not that I would have anytime soon, anyway)

I will never, ever, ever, vote for another Republican candidate for anything, as long as I draw breath.

Why?

Ezra Klein:

Something has gone wrong on the Right. Become sick and twisted and tumorous and ugly. To visit Michelle Malkin's cave is to see politics at its most savage, its most ferocious, its most rageful. They say they've spent the past week smearing a child and his family because that child was fair game -- he and his family spoke of their experience receiving health care through the State Children's Health Insurance Program. For this, right wingers travel to their home, insinuate that the family is engaged in large-scale fraud, make threatening phone calls to the family, interrogate the neighbors as to the family's character and financial state.

This is the politics of hate. Screaming, sobbing, inchoate, hate. It would never, not in a million years, occur to me to drive to the home of a Republican small business owner to see if he "really" needed that tax cut. It would never, not in a million years, occur to me to call his family and demand their personal information. It would never occur to me to interrogate his neighbors. It would never occur to me to his smear his children.


John Cole:

I simply can not believe this is what the Republican party has become. I just can’t. It just makes me sick to think all those years of supporting this party, and this is what it has become. Even if you don’t like the S-Chip expansion, it is hard to deny what Republicans are- a bunch of bitter, nasty, petty, snarling, sneering, vicious thugs, peering through people’s windows so they can make fun of their misfortune.


Oh, and for the "You guys do it too!" crowd, here's Ezra again:

And here's another question: Does anyone remember DailyKos launching a feeding frenzy trying to smear or discredit Ashley? Anyone hear of Markos Moulitsas camping out outside her house to see if Ashley was really grieving? His readers interviewing her teachers to see if her academic performance had actually improved as a result of the President's hug? Did any of that happen? Or did the Left raise some questions about the political appropriateness of the ad without trying to destroy the family's name and reputation?

There's a difference here. And it's not in which side elevates sympathetic stories and individuals into the public eye. They both do that. It's in how low the other side stoops in response.


I could vomit, I really could.

Monday, October 08, 2007

A Quiz!

I knicked this from Still Life with Soup Can. I don't remember doing this one before, so here it is. It's about...food!

1. How do you like your eggs? Scrambled, with cheese or without, with a liberal sprinkling of black pepper and hot sauce. Or as an omelet with many, many kinds of fillings.

2. How do you take your coffee/tea? Black with quite a bit of sugar. I'll use a creamer now and again as a change of pace, but mostly, I subscribe to the wonderful Turkish proverb: Coffee should be black as Hell, strong as Death, and sweet as Love. (I've never tried real Turkish coffee, though.)

3. Favorite breakfast food? My love of pancakes and waffles knows no bounds, but at a restaurant I'm likely to order some kind of combo plate with eggs, meat, and toast. These days, though, my main breakfast meal tends to be a bowl of frosted shredded wheat, topped with blueberries (fresh if possible and not expensive, frozen otherwise), with a glass of orange juice.

4. Peanut butter - smooth or crunchy? Smooth, because that's the preference of the WomenFolk of Casa Jaquandor. I personally have no great preference either way.

5. What kind of dressing on your salad? My favorite is poppyseed dressing. For some reason, in restaurants I reflexively order ranch, even though it's boring. At home, I'm switching to extra virgin olive oil mixed with balsamic vinegar. Eventually I'll start doing things like making my own vinaigrettes.

6. Coke or Pepsi? Usually Pepsi, but I like Coke too. I wish I could get Passover Coke in these parts (although in truth I haven't tried any of the stores in the Jewish neighborhoods of Buffalo). I've pretty much stopped drinking diet pop, because I'm told the chemicals in them are all kinds of bad. Have I researched this matter myself? Of course not. Because I just do what I'm told, that's why.

7. You’re feeling lazy, what do you make? A couple hot dogs, or maybe a bowl of Ramen.

8. You’re feeling really lazy. What kind of pizza do you order? Italian sausage and onions. Or pepperoni and banana peppers. Or ham and mushrooms on a white crust. (By the way: Chicago pizza is pizza. Deal with it, you NYC-style pizza crybabies!)

9. You feel like cooking. What do you make? Depends on my mood, really. If I'm feeling ambitious, I make a mean Pastitsio (just made one last week, as a matter of fact). I do good fried chicken, although I do that maybe once a year. My mac-and-cheese is good.

10. Do any foods bring back good memories? Ramen noodles, which I ate from a very early age -- especially if I have any rye crisp bread to butter and then dip in the Ramen broth. Spanish rice and corn bread is a stand-by dish from when The Wife and I were first dating. And, of course, a roasted turkey.

11. Do any foods bring back bad memories? Hmmmm...can't think of any off the top of my head.

12. Do any foods remind you of someone? Spanish rice. See above. And ditto the also afore-mentioned Ramen with rye crisp; that reminds me of my father.

13. Is there a food you refuse to eat? Broccoli. I consider anyone who claims to genuinely like the flavor of broccoli to be delusional.

14. What was your favorite food as a child? Totino's frozen pizza.

15. Is there a food that you hated as a child but now like? I'm coming to enjoy mushrooms, although not to the point of eating them by themselves, or having stuffed mushrooms as an appetizer. But I do like them in stuff, like on a pizza. That used to be a dealbreaker for me, but now, I'll cheerfully eat a pizza with shrooms on it. Oh, and squash.

16. Is there a food that you liked as a child but now hate? Not hate, per se, but there's stuff that while I don't dislike it I genuinely wonder what I thought the fuss was -- like those dirt-cheap frozen pot pies, for instance. For a frozen pot pie, Pepperidge Farm or Marie Callender's make much better ones; and really, if I'm really hungry for pot pie, I'll make one myself.

From my college years, though? I can't fathom how I went for a year consuming Easy Cheese on a regular basis. Ewwwwwww.

17. Favorite fruit and vegetable: Blueberries; Green peppers.

18. Favorite junk food: Chips of just about any kind (except that horrible "Dill Pickle" flavor), chocolate chip cookies, ice cream.

19. Favorite between meal snack: These days? A couple ounces of mixed nuts, or a cup of yogurt, or a granola bar.

20. Do you have any weird food habits? With chicken wings, I tend to eat the "drummies" before I eat the "wing" section. When we make any kind of baked pasta dish, I have to get a serving from the edge of the pan, where that crusty goo forms. And whenever we get pizza, I start eating it with a knife and fork, until I eventually decide to just pick it up like you're supposed to do.

21. You’re on a diet. What food(s) do you fill up on? I don't do diets; rather, I try to build new eating habits. I love peanut butter spread on celery, though.

22. You’re off your diet. Now what would you like? Everything!

23. How spicy do you order Indian/Thai? I don't order Indian or Thai. Why? Because I never make it a priority to get off my arse and go sample Indian and Thai. I admit that this is a serious flaw in my food education.

24. Can I get you a drink? Yeungling lager; or Blue Moon pumpkin ale; or Sam Adams Cherry Wheat; or a rum-and-coke but only if it's Captain Morgan; vanilla rum and root beer.

25. Red wine or white? Red. Especially if it's Port -- I love Port.

26. Favorite dessert? Ice cream. Or cake. Or both.

27. The perfect nightcap? A cup of herbal tea with honey.

Hmmm...for some reason I'm hungry now.

It'll be like Beggars' Canyon back home!

In yesterday's Sunday Burst of Weirdness, I linked an item about some people who built a half-size X-Wing starfighter.

They have now launched their ship. Jason Bennion has the goods, with two videos. All this needs is some John Williams music and a Wilhelm scream!

Sentential Links #113

And here we go with some sentential goodness after a week off! To the links, Batman!

:: And although I’ve been laying the seeds for a while, it feels like Saturday night, a hockey fan was born. (Great story. For some reason, my daughter's first instance of hating a sports team is, believe it or not, the Toronto Maple Leafs. Not entirely sure how that came to pass, but there it is! And congrats to the BfloBlog guys for two years in the saddle of blogging Buffalo hockey sports.)

:: Jet travel. Skiing. Bitchen cars and cheap gas. Triumph motorcycles. Soldiers not yet dead in Viet Nam.

Optimism.

It's all in there. All of it. G to B flat.


:: And how can I see past the person they are not, to catch even a glimpse of something else?

:: Perhaps we can trade Guatemala one for one: Lou Dobbs for Pedro Zapeta. We'd be getting the better end of the deal...

:: Free individuals are under no obligation to recite pledges of allegiance of any kind.

:: One of several unfortunate elements of the global warming debate is that it's my sense that the public generally overestimates the degree of sacrifice involved in heading off catastrophic climate change. (This is something that always bothers me about the global warming "debate" -- either warming is denied to exist at all, or it's admitted to exist but with the proviso that to do anything about it would return the entire world economy to the way things were in Little House on the Prairie.)

:: Why is it that a guy who thinks U.S. military action is always the answer is any more credible than the peacenik who thinks it never is?

:: Whenever I suggest a book, and the kid says yes but the parent says no, it's almost always because it's not "serious" enough. Whenever a kid asks for a book, and the parent says no, the most common reason given (aside from cost) is that it's not "what they should be reading" - as in, you should be reading something that isn't called Captain Underpants and isn't full of pictures. (Brand new blog to me, and I don't even remember how I found it. Nevertheless, her URL and screenname reveal a love of a series of books that are favorites of mine, too. Cool!)

:: I've had a good birthday. Now I better go wash the whip cream out of my hair. (I hope she used non-dairy stuff, it washes out better...um...er...Happy birthday to one of my favorite bloggers! Moving on....)

:: I've just discovered that (counting a couple of in-press stories) I've got enough published short fiction to fill a collection. (A few weeks ago I was in Barnes&Noble and found a copy of Interzone, a mag I'd never seen before but heard of, and found within its pages one of Jayme's stories. I'll have to read it soon!)

:: I never did find out what happened to the cart after that; whatever it was, there were certainly no witnesses.

:: We need more comics that open with a little girl being pushed off a balcony: (Heavens!)

:: A good way to make fun of someone who loves the new, super-serious remake of Battlestar Galactica: tell them the show inherently makes no logical sense to you without Muffit, the robot dog. (Zounds!)

:: Who ever heard of bell-bottom sweatpants? (Ummm...what?!)

All for this week, folks. Thanks for playing, and we'll have some lovely consolation prizes for you out back. Yeah, out back. Way out back. Yeah, over there. In that alley. Yeah, keep goin'...that's right....heh heh heh!

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Tremble, mere mortals!

I'm writing this entry not from home, but from the wi-fi enabled cafe at another location of The Store. (My own Store does not currently have wi-fi, because the local telecom carriers don't yet have a transmitter in close enough proximity to The Store for wi-fi to be possible.) I honestly don't remember if I've ever posted to the blog from outside the friendly confines of Casa Jaquandor, so this may well be a first of epic proportions. I'm sitting here, drinking strawberry-infused iced tea, typing away as I generate the second draft of a short story I finished some time ago, and I'm happy as a clam.

(One day, someone's going to have to do some actual scientific research as to the happiness of clams. How happy can they be, really?)

Oh, and I've got my cell phone on, too. In one fell swoop, I have planted my feet squarely in 2004! (I'm still lacking an iPod, obviously.)

Sunday Burst of Weirdness

OK, we're finally back on track here at Byzantium's Shores. Here's some weirdness for you all!

(Several of these links were pointed out to me by readers, but I can't remember who directed me to what, so feel free to take credit in comments, if you recognize something you sent me.)

:: Does your seventh grader have to dissect a frog and is getting all squicky over the procedure? No problem! Those clever Japanese have harnessed the power of genetic engineering to create a frog with see-through skin. Just don't kiss the thing; the resulting Prince might well be...a bit creepy.

:: For some reason, apparently the Keanu Reeves/Patrick Swayze cops-and-surfers movie Point Break has become something of a cult favorite. I've never really understood why; it's not a very good movie. But anyway, a theater troupe is now doing Point Break LIVE!. I kid you not:

Point Break LIVE!, the absurdist stage adaptation of the 1992 Keanu Reeves/Patrick Swayze extreme-sports blockbuster, tells the story of former college football star Johnny Utah (Reeves in the film), as he pursues the surfing, bankrobbing, skydiving, bare-hand-fighting, adrenaline junkie cum Zen Master, Bodhi Sattva. The Brechtian blockbuster, which garnered a "Seattle P-I Best of Seattle 2004" award during its run in the Northwest, features armed robbery, big-wave surfing, car chases, explosions, and no less than two extended skydiving sequences. Best of all, you could be the next Johnny Utah... the starring role of Keanu will be selected at random from the audience each night, and will read their entire script off of cue-cards. This method manages to capture the rawness of a Keanu Reeves performance, even from those who generally think themselves incapable of acting.


What could be better!

:: Returning to the original roots of the Sunday Burst of Weirdness, a couple of Cthulhu links. Those of you who are flummoxed by the popularity of LOLCat photos might find LOLThulhu amusing -- I sure did. And it seems axiomatic that any good Lovecraft fan should include these as any kind of proper table setting for a dinner party.

:: This was pointed out to me by a reader. I have absolutely no idea what it's supposed to be.

:: Scotty sent me this (I only remember that he sent it because I still have the e-mail): a bunch of rocket hobbyists have constructed a flying scale model of an X-Wing fighter. And we're not talking about some small, handheld model or something the size of a typical model airplane. Their model is 21 feet long, which, using the measurement of 12.5 meters for a real X-Wing, is roughly a half-size scale. The planned maiden flight of this ship is apparently scheduled for this week, so let's be safe, folks, and make sure your thermal exhaust ports are properly shielded!

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Safety Tip #785

When driving and operating a dump truck, make sure that you're not directly beneath a pair of ungrounded 34000-volt power cables before raising the truck's bed. Failure to observe this rule can result in scene like this:



Fortunately, no one was hurt. Except for the truck, which has now gone to the great rock quarry in the sky.

Bring your kids!

About a month ago I mentioned a new children's bookstore opening soon in Orchard Park, "B is for Books". Well, the store is going to open this week! They're doing a soft-open on October 9, with a grand opening bash to come on October 13. Check out their website, bis4books.com, for more information. These aren't the best of times to be opening independent bookstores, but here's hoping they make it -- consider them, for instance, for your next big birthday party for your kid, if you're sick of the whole Chuck E. Cheese scene. And support a local business while doing so!

UPDATE: I see that their website doesn't include directions. For those unfamiliar with Orchard Park or with the Southtowns in general, take the 219 south to the Orchard Park exit, and take Route 20A (which becomes Quaker St. in Orchard Park). When you come to the intersection of 20A and 277/240 (Buffalo St), keep going straight, and Bis4Books will be on the left not more than a few hundred feet past the intersection. They have parking in the rear. And while you're here, check out some of the other nifty little shops and eateries we have to offer in Orchard Park! We've got a great little town here, I'll tell you what.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Funny pages? Aieee!!!

I really have to wonder if it's coincidence that Funky Winkerbean and For Better or For Worse are each apparently about to shuffle their respective near-death characters off this mortal coil? Read both of today's installments, with pithy gallows-humor comment, here.

UPDATE: I should note that I've found the Winkerbean storyline very deftly handled and very touching. I don't really have much more to say about it than that.

Finally!

Unidentified Earth 18 has at last been Identified: it's the municipal elevator in Oregon City, Oregon. This elevator is operated by the city of Oregon City (near Portland) as a connector between parts of the central business district that are literally separated by a cliff. I remember riding it once with my parents, when we went to Oregon City for some reason.

The identifying commenter, Seamus (whom I know as Shawn -- what gives?), wins all the Quatloos that would have been awarded to the people who have already identified Unidentified Earth 19. I guess that one was too easy.

Let the truth be told!


laptop 001, originally uploaded by Jaquandor.

You can see here one reason I've been incommunicado the last day or two. These two boxes of wonderment arrived via courier guy yesterday. What could be inside? Why, my new Dell Inspiron laptop! I'll be making payments on this thing for the next couple of years, but it will hopefully jumpstart my productivity, since I'll be able to do writing stuff at my desk other than longhand work. (Not that I'm abandoning longhand work, but our family computer is located in a spot that's not conducive to heavy writerly concentration.)

My new machine has a Wi-Fi card, so I can take it to Borders or Starbucks or even other locations of The Store to go online. I'm not buying a wireless router for home because I figure one computer online at home is enough. It's also got a 180 GB hard drive, lots of memory, and a decent video card. It's pretty much got exactly what I need it to have for the jobs I need it to do -- it's not a gaming system, for instance. I've already installed OpenOffice and Firefox on it. Windows Vista will take a bit of getting used to, but so far, so good.

Wow, a cell phone two weeks ago, and now a laptop: I'm technological!

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Holding Pattern Delta!

I'm not sure what "Holding Pattern Delta" involves, but it sounds cool, so that's what I'm going with!

Anyhow, regular life this week still has lots of stuff in the hopper, what with The Wife's vacation, family stuff, and various other activities planned, so posting here will still be sporadic for probably a week or so. I'll try to have some Sentential Links and a Burst of Weirdness at some point, but they may not appear on their standard days.

By way of a progress report of sorts, in conjunction with my recent birthday (last week, for you lazy stragglers!), The Wife and I took a one-night trip into the Fingerlakes region (a few photos of which are available on my Flickr stream, accessible through the "Flickr Badge" thing in the sidebar). We took a scenic drive during which we did not enter a single four-lane, limited exchange highway, either the NYS Thruway or any other such expressway, which is really still the best way to see places. There was birthday cake and birthday pie, there was an Apple Festival in Ithaca (holy used bookstores, Batman!), one of the best toystores I've ever seen (don't tell The Daughter! One of her Christmas presents is in our closet!), and other nice things done. And today we're going to Pumpkinville...and I'm planning another round of tie-dying this week...and in between all that, I'm escaping to the planet Barsoom to adventure alongside Captain John Carter.

So anyway, keep checking in!

(Oh by the way, nobody still has made any guesses on Unidentified Earth 18, so I'll keep narrowing it down. It's in Oregon, folks. Come on! Somebody's gotta know what that thing is!)

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Unidentified Earth 19

Wow. One week, and last week's entry is still unidentified, despite the hint from yesterday. So I'll leave this one unidentified for now, but here's another hint: it's in the Pacific Northwest.

Meantime, staying right on schedule, here's the next entry:



Where are we?

Rot-13 your answers, folks!

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Here I go, again on my own....

Actually, I'm not sure what that post title has to do with anything, but it's what leaped to mind, so there it is. Some notes:

:: Exactly fourteen years ago today, I turned twenty-two years old. Good times, those were! I remember it as though it was...fourteen years ago.

:: Happy Birthday George Gershwin, wherever you are! S'wonderful, s'marvelous, she should care for me....

:: Things may look a little weird around here for a while. I've exceeded the bandwidth limit on where I keep my graphics, and I don't have time to try to fix it until later.

:: Only one guess thus far at last week's Unidentified Earth, so apparently a hint is in order? Pictured therein is the only municipally operated one of these in the United States.

:: Here's an article about the twenty greatest spaceship captains. It's pretty good, up until the final five, when it gets the rankings horribly, awfully wrong.

:: EW, a magazine I wrote off years ago because I finally couldn't take the insufferably smug tone of its critics, has a fairly non-smug selection of the Top ten episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation. They're all superb episodes, and their Number One episode is also my Number One episode, which is nice. (Both these links from SFSignal.)

:: The women of SWILL have created a calendar which they are selling in order to raise money for Living Beyond Breast Cancer. Buy one here.

:: October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. More info here. Consider lighting a candle that night at 7:00 pm.

On a meta-blogging note, posting will be light for the next few days, and possibly even a week. The Wife starts a much-needed vacation tomorrow, and I'll be taking a couple of days off from work in order to spend time with her and with The Daughter and do stuff that doesn't involve a keyboard but may involve large amounts of Cool-whip. Behave, folks!

Monday, September 24, 2007

Sentential Links #112

One hundred twelve. That's the number of times so far this NFL season that, collectively, the Buffalo Bills medical staff has uttered the words, "Oh, shit."

Anyway, onto the links:

:: I swear, I've eaten half my family's dinner like this. And I had to force myself to stop before eating it all.

:: Village rule number one: You can't employ a play on words that any Republican might be able to use as an excuse to run to the fainting couch and have a good old-fashioned cry. Democrats must be as bland and technocratic as humanly possible in their political rhetoric. If they can put their audience to sleep within the first five minutes, so much the better. But that doesn't mean Republicans and the media can't have loads of nasty "pun" at the expense of Democrats.

:: We don’t need to think in terms of mending our holes. We can simply go on (or stay firm in our place on the earth?) with the holes. And maybe they can even help us through troubled waters.

:: This is, once again, Rudy the wind-up doll. He's got a small supply of stock phrases (9/11, lower taxes, crime fighter) and he just hauls out whichever one seems handiest for the moment. Actual knowledge of anything necessary to be president? None.

:: I'm on record here on this blog as saying that I'm okay, at least in principle, with updated versions of Flash Gordon, Buck Rogers, and Logan's Run. I love the original versions of these, but revisiting them doesn't bother me. However, the thought of a new Day the Earth Stood Still turns my stomach. So how do I reconcile these opposing viewpoints?

:: Save the vowels!

:: That's the recipe for building an environment that fosters moral behavior. It doesn't involve gods or even belief in gods. It is completely independent of Jesus, Mohammed, Buddha, or atheism. It works — religion is irrelevant to morality. The surest way to create moral individuals is to build a stable society where desirable behaviors are rewarded, and the hoop-jumping frivolities of religion are not a requirement to accomplish that.

:: What I've depicted isn't really what northern Manitoba looks like, really...but I didn't want that, anyway. What I wanted was what Canadians see when they close their eyes and think of Canada. (Interesting interview with a comics creator I'd been previously unaware of.)

:: Driving around in recent weeks, it’s been common to see people standing with their backs to the side of the road, poised in odd positions. Stretched. Squatting. Contorted in some game of imaginary Twister… all in pursuit of the most amazing blackberries imaginable.

:: When I started the Silk Road Project, I began to understand the geographical and musical connections between all these incredible cultures — all these ‘other’ classical musics, the Persian classical music and Indian classical music and mugam in Afghanistan and so on. I got a sense that at one time these connections were much closer and over time that certain things got split off and developed independently, in the way that the French spoken in Louisiana and Quebec broke off from the original. (Alex Ross interviews Yo Yo Ma on his blog. This is required reading, folks. Yo Yo Ma is so much more than the best cellist going today.)

All for this week. We'll be back next week, as always!

An odd question

Am I the only person who's watched the old Steve Martin flick The Jerk and come away wondering why nobody's really followed up on the notion of "Pizza in a Cup"?

Stupid Patriots 38, Bills 7

You know, I find football fans to be an amazing lot. Before the season started, I'd hear lots of fans on sports radio shows and in regular life saying things like, "Geez, with this schedule, we'll be lucky to be 6-10" and "Wow, they're gonna open up 0-4" and stuff like that. Now that the Bills actually are 0-3, suddenly we're all shocked -- shocked! -- that the team is struggling mightily. Of course, that's probably a function of how the team is struggling mightily; most fans expected a team that would lose games by scores like 28-20, 38-24, 45-27, and the like. No one expected a team that would, after three games, have two offensive TDs on the year.

JP Losman's effectiveness was questioned strenuously by fans after both the first two games; I was unimpressed by him, although I didn't call for a pulling of his plug, and I feel slightly vindicated by what happened today. Losman was injured on the very first series and came out of the game after the third play, leading to rookie (third-round pick this year) Trent Edwards, who had a couple of good drives in pre-season which was somehow enough to sell a lot of people on the idea that he's bursting with intangibles. Which isn't to say that he isn't bursting with intangibles; I just think that one doesn't want to estimate a rookie quarterback's intangibles based on a fourth-quarter drive against the Detriot Lions in a pre-season game. But that's just me.

I'm also weary of hearing youth and injuries cited as reasons this team struggles. I think it goes to drafting and coaching. The greenest players each year, the ones who are really marginal NFL talents at their positions, always manage to make NFL rosters by virtue of special teams play, and the Bills' special teams units are always well-prepared and they almost always execute well on the fundamentals. Today, a perfect downing-of-the-ball on a punt was executed by a rookie (Josh Wendling, a fifth-round pick this year), and in making that play he looked like he'd been doing it for years. That's coaching. Funny how Bobby April manages to get so much more out of the same general batch of inexperienced youngsters than any of the other coordinators and coaches on the Bills' staff, isn't it?

Anyway, let's move onto more pithy replies:

Woo-hoo!

:: The Bills have a very good punter.

:: The Bills had one very good drive.

:: Bill Belichick challenged two calls within five minutes in the second quarter; both went against him. I remember when those calls would probably have gone his way. I wonder if there's some quiet bit of punishment for the whole Belicheat thing going on.

:: I got the floor vacuumed in our apartment! Woo-hoo!

Meh.

:: The announcers for this game weren't very good. They made odd points, like "Dick Jauron's had success wherever he's been", and "The StuPats have been good because they've had continuity at coach and quarterback, where the Bills haven't." I've heard that latter point a lot lately, not just in reference to New England, but to teams like Indy and Pittsburgh. The point seems to me exactly backwards: success doesn't come as a result of continuity in the coaching staff and the roster; rather, continuity comes as a result of success. Does anyone think the Bills would have had any better a recent history if we were on Year Seven of the Gregg Williams/Rob Johnson era? Or Year Four of the Mike Mularkey/Drew Bledsoe era? Winning comes first, then continuity.

:: Chris Kelsay did a better job tackling. The defense continues to play really hard. They don't make big stops or big plays, but they can't be said to be lacking in the area of effort.

:: Marshawn Lynch. Not "Meh" for his effort, just "Meh" that he's so potentially good on so ugly a team.

D'oh!

:: Longtime readers know I harp on this every year, but it wouldn't be a Bills post of mine if I didn't complain about the Bills' constant lack of command at the line of scrimmage. Screw the quarterback situation; this team's focus has to be getting better at the line of scrimmage.

:: Well, this game sure can't be blamed on JP Losman. Trent Edwards completed fifty percent of his passes for under 100 yards, no TDs, and an interception. I'm not knocking Edwards, but this team is fundamentally bad in the trenches.

:: Maybe the Bills should just eliminate all their tight ends and sign some new linemen, since the TEs are useless here anyway.

:: Maybe it's just my rabid hatred of the StuPats talking, but there's no way Wilfork wasn't gunning for Losman's exposed knee on that play.

:: More injuries. What did the Bills do to so alienate the football gods? Now, rookie linebacker Paul Posluszny has a broken arm and will be out for quite a while. JP Losman will probably miss some time. About the only thing that can be hoped now is that some youngsters who would otherwise have never seen the field somehow turn out to be diamonds in the rough.

Well, that's about it. Next up: the New York Jets, at home. The Bills usually play the Jets tough. But then again, once Aaron Schobel, Chris Kelsay and Donte Whitner all get hurt next week on the same play, the Bills will be fielding seven guys on defense.

Sigh.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Ahhh, the memories of Marvel Team-Up!

Michael May's Adventureblog provides this fun meme-thing:

First, select ten fictional characters (from any medium) by whichever method you like best.

1. Diarmuid dan Ailell (from The Fionavar Tapestry)
2. Obi-Wan Kenobi
3. James Bond (the Lazenby, Dalton, or Daniel Craig incarnations)
4. Wonder Woman
5. Captain Malcolm Reynolds
6. Jehane bet Ishak (from The Lions of Al-Rassan)
7. Agent Dana Scully
8. Hermione Grainger
9. Lady Eowyn (from The Lord of the Rings)
10. Han Solo

Divide the list up by even and odd.

OK. Team One: Diarmuid Dan Ailell, James Bond, Mal Reynolds, Agent Scully, Lady Eowyn.

Team Two: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Wonder Woman, Jehane bet Ishak, Hermione Grainger, Han Solo.

Which group of five would make a better Five Man Band (like a Power Rangers team)? Who would you slot in each position: Leader, Lancer (second-in-command), Big Guy, Smart Guy, The Chick?

Hmmmm! I'm guessing Team Two.

Leader: Obi Wan Kenobi
Lancer: Wonder Woman
Big Guy: Han Solo
Smart Guy (girl, in this case): Hermione Grainger
The Chick: Jehane bet Ishak

Just for the sake of completeness, here's how Team One would break out:

Leader: Mal Reynolds
Lancer: James Bond
Big Guy: Diarmuid Dan Ailell
Smart Guy (also a woman in this case): Agent Scully
The Chick: Lady Eowyn.

The roles in Team One would be a lot more fluid, I suspect; while Diarmuid is often portrayed as a fun-loving rogue, whenever the chips are down in those books, the guy rises to the occasion and provides some serious leadership. Bond also tends to be a loner a lot of the time, so he'd probably switch in and out of the lancer role, maybe even taking three roles at times (Big Guy and Smart Guy). Lady Eowyn's also got some strength and leadership skills, and of course Agent Scully is no pushover either. Team Chemistry would be a problem here, I think; a lot of strong-willed people would end up butting heads.

If you think the team would be improved by swapping one character between the even and odd groups, which ones would you switch?

I don't think I'd switch anyone. Team Two seems pretty strong, in my mind, and any trade into Team One wouldn't reduce the problems noted above. So no trades; these are the teams.

Gender-swap 2, 8 & 10. Which character would have the most change in their story arc? Which the least? Would any of these characters have to have a complete personality change to be believable as the opposite sex?

OK: Obi Wan Kenobi becomes a woman, Hermione Grainger becomes a man, and Han Solo becomes a woman. Hmmmmm.

I suspect that Obi Wan could have been made a woman with almost no trouble at all. Hermione probably wouldn't have been believable in the slightest as a boy/man; since the whole dynamic of the Potterverse is set by the trio of heroes being two boys and a girl, I don't think three boys would work at all, so there would have to be a girl, which in turn would lead to Ron being a woman. Or something like that.

And Han Solo as a woman? That would make his (her) relationship with Leia fairly interesting, would it not? However, aside from that love triangle, I'm not sure this would really impact the story in a very large way. Nothing in Star Wars makes a female analogue of Han Solo unthinkable.

Compare the matchups of 1 & 8 and 5 & 9. (Ignore canon sexual preferences for the moment.) Which couple would be more compatible?

1 and 8: Diarmuid dan Ailell and Hermione Grainger? The Hermione of the actual Potter books wouldn't even be a blip on Diarmuid's radar, since he's a fairly sexual adult and she's just a kid, finding her way. Now, an adult Hermione might well catch his eye, as he is clearly attracted to strong-willed, brave, and intelligent women.

5 and 9: Captain Mal Reynolds and Lady Eowyn? Eowyn's all about duty and her country, while Mal's all about freedom. I can't see them being compatible at all.

Which couple would be more plausible to people from either principal's home culture?

Definitely Diarmuid/Hermione. They both come from worlds of magic and myth. A space traveler in Edoras? Not happening. On a genre mash-up basis, that couple's a total non-starter.

Your team is 3, 4 & 9. The mission consists of a social challenge, a mental challenge and a physical challenge. Which team member do you assign to each challenge?

Bond, Wonder Woman, and Lady Eowyn. Well, obviously Wonder Woman gets the physical challenge, just because she's got some super strength. (Which isn't to say that's the only kind of task she'd be good for. We're limiting to just the focus of this question.)

Bond would get the mental challenge, I think. In the best of all Bond stories, he has to do a lot of figuring stuff out.

Which leaves the "social challenge" to Lady Eowyn. Now, I'm not entirely sure what a "social challenge" actually is, but her role in the books is at least partially social, a leadership role, so that's what she would get here. I think.

7 becomes 1's boss for a week in some plausible fashion. How's their working relationship?

Agent Scully as Diarmuid dan Ailell's boss? That's an odd picture, I must say! Scully would find their working relationship frustrating, I suspect, although his sardonic nature might well mirror her partner Agent Mulder's, albeit with more overt humor and wit. For his part, Diarmuid would do what he's told, since underneath his sardonic exterior beats the heart of a man who takes duty very seriously. In fact, not only would Diar do his duty, but he'd have killed anyone who refused or balked at doing theirs!

2 finds him/her/itself inserted into 6's continuity. As far as anyone other than 2 or 6 is concerned, they've always been there. What role would 2 be presumed to have had in 6's story, and could they fit in without going wonky?

So we'd have Obi Wan Kenobi in The Lions of Al-Rassan? Well, if he actually had a lightsaber, he'd stand out like Manute Bol in the land of the Munchkins. However, there is certainly room in that mythos for a band of monastic knights a la the Jedi -- especially if we expand Jehane's "continuity" to include the other novels set in that same physical world, The Sarantine Mosaic and The Last Light of the Sun.

3 and 5 get three wishes. The catch is that they have to agree on all three wishes before they get the benefits of any of them. What three wishes would they make?

James Bond and Mal Reynolds? Agreeing on wishes? Again, this one's tough because of the genre mashup -- spy thriller meets space opera/western. So what would they wish for together? Crikey, that's hard. Personally, I'd expect that they'd sit down and play three games of cards, one wish going to the winner of each game.

1 and 2 are brainwashed by a one-time artifact that works even on people immune to mind control to attack and kill 4. They keep their normal personality, skills and competence level, except any Code vs. Killing has been turned off. Can 4 survive? How?

Diarmuid and Obi Wan have to go after Wonder Woman. If they could somehow part her from her Lasso of Truth, they just might be able to pull it off. Diarmuid would have to accept this as a suicide mission, and Obi Wan's powers would be severely tested. However, if Wonder Woman has the Lasso with her, Diar and Obi Wan are screwed. If she ropes them with the Lasso of Truth, that might cause the effect of the brainwashing to wear off!

6, 7, 9 & 10 must help an orphanage full of small and depressed children have a merry Christmas. Who does what, knowing that at the very least the kids will be expecting a visit from Santa?

Jehane, Agent Scully, Lady Eowyn, and Han Solo? I guess the ladies would do the shopping and set-up, and then they'd force Han to put on the Santa costume.

3 and 8 are challenged to circumnavigate the Earth in eighty days or less, using only forms of transportation invented before 1900. Can they do it, or will they be fatally distracted by sidequests or their own personality conflicts?

James Bond and Hermione Grainger? Yeah, they'd probably do it; I'm sure Hermione's read books on the operation of hot-air balloons and sailing vessels, and James Bond can operate any vehicle at all. As for personality conflicts, I suspect they'd get along fine, unless again we're talking about adult Hermione, who might then find herself in bed with Mr. Bond.

And I guess that's it! Fun quiz. No tagging.

Sunday Burst of Weirdness

Hey all, sorry for the recent lack of posting. Nothing disastrous going on, I've just been busy and not feeling too much like blogging.

Anyway, some weirdness and funny stuff:

:: Our local PBS station often airs movies on the weekend evenings. Since most movies won't fill a two-hour timeslot exactly, the station is usually left with some remaining airtime to fill before the next hour or half-hour, and they generally fill this time with short films or other kinds of short programming. Such is how I first encountered, some time ago, a British parody of cooking shows called Posh Nosh. Only nine episodes were made, and each one is about nine minutes long. Here's the list, with links to the episodes I've managed to find online:

Fish and Chips
Birthday Parties
Paella
Beautiful Food
Bread and Butter Pudding
Leftovers
Sauces
Comfort Food
Grilled Sole

Enjoy! I love this little show, with its subtle wordplay and nifty comedic chemistry between the two leads.

:: Some guy followed every rule in the Bible for a year. I don't really see the point, but there it is. (And by the way: it's Gandhi, not Ghandi. It's disheartening to see that mistake in a professional news magazine.)

:: Aieee!

An error in paperwork sent a man in Venezuela, who was knocked unconscious in a road accident, for an autopsy.

The confusion occurred after ambulance workers reached the scene of the accident, between a lorry and a car.

Officials completed a form requesting an autopsy rather than one requesting treatment for injuries, and the man was sent to the morgue.

Venezuela's highways police confirmed that the two hospital forms look almost identical and can be easily confused.


(via)

:: Given previous rants about cell-phone users that I've posted on this blog, I suppose it will therefore seem like quite the Burst of Weirdness that...I now have a cell phone. It doesn't play MP3s or videos, it doesn't make a mean cup of coffee, and it doesn't wash my car, pick a lovely bouquet of wildflowers and baby's breath, keep my plants watered, or cook a nice dish of Clams Casino. It does, though, make calls and take pictures of stuff.

Here's something I wonder about cell phones: had Star Trek not depicted its communicators as such, would "flip" phones ever have been invented?

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Unidentified Earth 18

Here we go again! Last week's answer will be familiar to anyone who has ever driven Interstate 90 westbound across South Dakota, and read the hundreds of billboards along that road: Wall Drug, of Wall, SD.

And now for this week's puzzler:



Where are we?

Rot-13 your answers!

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Stupid is a force of nature

Oh, my God.

And looking at Sherri Shepherd's website, I find this quote:

To those of you who prayed... let me tell you ... PRAYERS WORK! Because it is a miracle of God that I am now a co-host on The View.


What an appalling sentiment. What a cheap, lazy, and boring view of God she must have. This kind of crap makes me want to vomit. What kind of nauseatingly simpleton must God be under this view, to use His omnipotent powers to pick the host of a damn teevee show?!

(via)

You can't tell a day from a knight without a program!

Hey, male readers! If you ever find yourselves stuck in the Middle Ages with your wife, and you get that, you know, loving feeling, and you're wondering if you can, you know, roll in the hay with her and not be immoral whilst doing so, use this helpful flowchart:



Enjoy! Good luck storming the castle!

(Found via Mr. Sun.)

Monday, September 17, 2007

Sentential Links #111

AND away we go!!!

:: J.P. Losman is not a good quarterback. Or, to please the Branch Losmanians, he is not playing in a manner in which a good quarterback plays, which leaves room for the myriad of excuses and overly-optimistic yet vague statements of “he’s improving, but the Bills need to do (enter magic bullet excuse here).” (I haven't given up on Losman yet, but too many more days like yesterday and I will, I'm sad to say. Mainly I'm linking this because "Branch Losmanians" is pretty funny.)

:: I double-checked the Constitution, and yes, I remembered correctly: the legislature is discussed in Article I and the executive branch in Article II, suggesting that Congress should have important role in the governance of the country. Guess some folks have forgot.

:: Once in a while - not too often, mind you - once in a while... I like to listen to Bach on the piano. (Shoot me now, Ye Purists: I prefer Bach on the piano. Mainly, because I don't like the sound of the harpsichord, and I've never been convinced that the harpsichord sound is essential to understanding Bach's musical language, which is all about counterpoint.)

:: About once a year the Wicked Witch of the West and her Flying Monkey make a fly-by. (I'm not a big fan of IP-blocking, but then, I don't have any cyber-stalkers, either.)

:: And then it all came back to me. And I realized we'd just spent nearly four hours on a bus driven by someone who both hates noise and has mommy issues. And possibly a few heads in his freezer at home. Awesome.

:: My first memories of what would become a lifelong love affair with musical theater are of, as a toddler, being extremely taken with those "operetta" episodes (or maybe it was one episode repeated) they did of Mr. Rogers Neighborhood. I remember being very excited by them, and by the very basic notion, intrinsic to all musical theater, of people singing to each other instead of talking. (I used to look forward to those episodes too! According to Wikipedia, there were thirteen "opera" episodes. In various film music forums, I often encounter people who insist they can't enjoy musicals because they can't grok people bursting into song. I've never had that problem at all. Now I wonder if that's because of Mr. Rogers.)

:: Al Gore is the only man who’s won an Oscar and now an Emmy and they’re both considered consolation prizes.

...

It’s not fair that producers who have to turn out 22 or 24 hour episodes of drama a year must compete with producers who complete 13 episodes in a year and a half.
(Heh, on both counts. I couldn't decide which to use for the link, so there's both of them. Oh, and Katherine Heigl won for Grey's Anatomy? Ugh! Nothing against Ms. Heigl, who is lovely and all, but I hate her character, and for my money, that show's tone is set by Chandra Wilson as Dr. Bailey.)

All for this week.

The Wheel stopped turning

Fantasy author Robert Jordan has died. I wasn't a fan, but lots of readers are. Condolences to family, friends, and fans.

R Stillers 26, Bills 3

Heavens, this was one of those games where you're left scraping the bottom of an incredibly low barrel to find good things to say. Yeesh, that was bad. Oh well, at least my second favorite team, the Steelers, won.

Woo-hoo!

:: Terrence McGee runs the kickoffs back nicely.

:: The Bills at least play hard. What always bothered me when they stunk up the field during the Gregg Williams/Drew Bledsoe era was the way they just looked lethargic when they were getting clobbered. The current crop of youngsters actually look pissed when they're getting beat down badly. Not that this augurs anything in particular for their future, but hey, I'll take Lee Evans losing his cool in the waning moments of the fourth quarter and committing two consecutive unsportsmanlike conduct penalties over Drew Bledsoe's monotone insistence in the postgame interview that he's "so mad he doesn't know what to do".

:: Brian Moorman's a good punter.

Meh.

:: The Bills' offensive line. Pass blocking was still bad, run blocking was occasionally adequate. The Jason Peters/Derrick Dockery side was supposed to be very strong, but they allowed lots of pressure to get through.

:: Defensive effort. "Bend but don't break" will eventually get you killed, if your offense can't put points on the board, but those guys put forth the best effort they could. Sadly, it's not even close to enough because their talent level just isn't up there.

:: JP Losman. Again, he wasn't a factor one way or the other. He didn't have a bad game, he didn't have a good game, I'm not sure that he even had a game. The guy has got to start making plays once in a while. Two games, and aside from a couple of nice runs, no plays made from QB. Right now he looks worse than he did last year, if only because he doesn't look any better. If this keeps up, we may be looking at some extended playing time for Trent Edwards before this year is out.

D'oh!

:: Defensive results. I praised their effort above, but a boss of mine used to say, "Don't confuse effort with results". They got pounded hard, giving up over 400 yards for the second straight week. Rare pressure on the opposing QB, and when they do get pressure, it rarely results in a sack. The middle of the field is always conceded to opposing receivers. Sure, they work hard, but the results are more than 400 yards and 26 points yielded.

:: Offensive results. Three points, which resulted from a drive that began in Steeler territory after a McGee kickoff return. Receivers don't get open. Losman can't find anyone, and seems more and more to lack the finesse needed to make those really difficult throws. No good tight end play. The offensive line still falling apart and never looking to really exert any kind of control over the line of scrimmage.

Next up: the Bills travel to New England, which will likely be able to take a week off from cheating in order to beat up on this team. Somehow Aaron Schobel will get his usual two or three sacks of Tom Brady, since he always seems to play well against Brady, but that will be that.

Wow, this is shaping up to be a bad year.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Sunday Burst of Weirdness


000 302, originally uploaded by Cherie Priest.

Found this photo via Warren Ellis.

Also see this surprisingly elaborate prank some guy played on his friend. It's fairly mean-spirited, but I couldn't help but watch how this played out. Five hundred bucks for a prank? Wow, I wish I had five hundred bucks to blow on practical jokes.

One Hundred Movies!!! (81 through 90)

So it's time to continue my countdown of my 100 favorite movies, or the 100 movies that would be considered the greatest movies ever if I were the Grand Exalted Ruler of the Entire Freaking Universe, or whatever. This time, we count down from #90 to #81.

90. Henry V

The Kenneth Branagh version, actually; I've only seen a small part of the Lawrence Olivier version, so I can't do a direct comparison. Branagh's is wonderfully done; Derek Jacobi does terrific work as the Chorus, introducing the film from an empty soundstage, and when Branagh delivers the Bard's signature St. Crispin's Day speech, I'm ready to storm a field too. Patrick Doyle's score is a virtual classic of Shakespearean film music.

Signature moment: The afore-mentioned Crispin's Day speech. (Text and audio link here.)

89. In the Line of Fire

This taut thriller got overshadowed in 1993 when it came out -- that year's juggernaut hit was Jurassic Park, and the brilliant The Fugitive also stole some of Line of Fire's thunder. This one stars Clint Eastwood as an aging, near-to-retirement Secret Service agent who gets drawn into a game of cat-and-mouse with an assassin (John Malkovich) who is openly plotting the assassination of the President. It's an extremely well-made and entertaining film, with first-rate performances all around. (Fred Thompson plays the White House Chief of Staff.)

Signature moment: When Eastwood figures it all out.

88. Tron

I'm not sure how well this movie plays to people who didn't grow up at that exact moment of history, the early 80s when computers were first starting to become personal objects and when video games were all the rage. I watched it again a few years ago, and it still holds up for me. It's not a source of great acting or anything -- the "real world" sequences are fairly dull -- but the stuff "inside the computer" is just wondrous, as good an example of a movie creating a visual world as I've ever seen. Interesting electronic music by Wendy Carlos (with a strangely out-of-place song by Journey over the end credits).

Signature moment: Is there any other choice possible? The light-cycles, obviously!

87. American Graffiti

I was completely baffled by this movie when I first saw it. I was seven or eight years old, and the film was in re-release. My parents took me to see it -- they wanted to go, and I ended up along for the ride. My problem was that the film's opening titles are done in the same font as those for the TV series "Happy Days", and Ron Howard was in it too, so on some level I thought I was watching some kind of big-screen episode of the TV show, rather than a movie that preceded that show by several years. Anyway, I watched it again when I was in college and found it funny, bittersweet, and full of charm and wit as well as love for that era of automotive and rock-and-roll history. I recently read somewhere -- I think it was a blog, but I'm not sure -- that American Graffiti came out in 1973 and made people feel nostalgic for a time just eleven years in the past; can you imagine a movie coming out right now that would make you nostalgic for 1996?

Signature moment: Paul Le Mat's soliloquy in the junk yard.

86. The Hunchback of Notre Dame

This always feels to me like three-quarters of a great movie. Disney had a real chance to do a tragic and dark ending here, but the farthest they could stretch themselves in that direction was to not give the hero the girl. Still, it's a nicely ambitious film, with lots of large-scale numbers.

Signature moment: The introductory number, "The Bells of Notre Dame".

85. Beauty and the Beast

This is definitely the finest of the "Silver Age" of Disney animation (i.e., the era that started with The Little Mermaid). Its story is perfectly paced, the animation is beautiful, and the musical numbers are the finest to come from the legendary team of Menken&Ashman. It's just an outstanding film, one on which I'm hard-pressed to identify any blatant flaws.

Signature moment: "Be Our Guest" is the more famous number, but the introductory "Belle" is my favorite as it weaves together a whole bunch of separate goings-on from the town into a wonderful bit of scene-setting.

84. An Affair to Remember

Sure, it's totally sentimental, but this film sports a nearly perfect first hour, followed by a bit of losing the way, and then ends with a scene that always makes me blubber like a little girl. Seriously, when Cary Grant suddenly puts two and two together and realizes just why Deborah Kerr wasn't there for their Empire State Building rendezvous, I always start to lose it -- and then he opens the bedroom door and finds the painting. Sigh. The film sags a bit in the second half, what with a horrible musical number involving some kids and some very unconvincing stuff with Cary Grant as a starving artist.

Signature moment: I think I just described it....

83. Die Hard

What a blast of a movie. What a total, absolute blast. And I've just realized that I haven't watched it in several years. Why not? Because I'm lazy. What makes it so great isn't just the production values and the editing -- although all that is sublime -- but the fact that it makes the hero and villain pretty much of equal intelligence. John McClane doesn't just bowl his way through all the bad guys; he actually has to figure stuff out and take huge risks, and in reacting to McClane's activities, Hans Gruber also has to figure stuff out and take huge risks of his own.

Signature moment: Hell, there are so many from this film, aren't there? For me, the most blood-pumping sequence is when the two helicopters are arriving on the roof.

82. The Music Man

And no, not just because I went to college in Iowa! I loved this movie well before I ever even thought of going to Iowa. So there. The Music Man never seems to get enough love when the subject of the great musicals comes up, and I can never figure out why. It's really extremely good, full of wit and hilarity and some absolutely beautiful songs.

Signature moment: My favorite musical number here is "Ya Got Trouble", when Prof. Harold Hill launches his own personal brand of flim-flam in River City.

81. Brigadoon

It's not long enough, jettisoning too many numbers from the Broadway show (two of them because of risque lyrics). Its focus is more on operatics than on typical Hollywood musical production numbers, befitting Gene Kelly's more ballet-influenced style of dancing than Fred Astaire soft-shoe. But I adore its tale of the cursed town that only awakes for one day each century, and the love story that unfolds there.

Signature moment: "The Heather on the Hill".

And there we go for now. Look for another installment whenever I get around to writing one!

Saturday, September 15, 2007

A Domestic Scene in Three Parts

Part One: The Other Day.

I'm sitting at my desk, going through some stuff. The Daughter is playing on the computer. I've just picked up a shopping bag.

THE DAUGHTER: Where's that bag from?

ME: Barnes&Noble.

THE DAUGHTER: Ooooooh. I hate their commercials.

She resumes playing her game. I mull over what she's just said.

ME: Huh?!

Part Two: Last night.

We're driving past McKinley Mall.

ME: Interesting...I'll bet that big area of construction there next to JC Penney is where the new Barnes&Noble is going in.

THE DAUGHTER: Ooooooh. I hate Barnes&Noble! I hate their commercials!

ME: Huh?! What commercials? I've never seen a Barnes&Noble commercial in my life!

THE DAUGHTER: Yeah, they have that creepy bald guy.

ME: Uhhhh...OK.

Part Three: Our bedroom this morning.

The Wife and I are talking about lots of stuff.

ME: And what was up with her rant about Barnes and Noble's commercials? Have you ever seen a Barnes&Noble commercial?

THE WIFE: Nope. Can't say that I have.

ME: And it wasn't just that -- she described the commercial! She said it had a creepy bald guy!

THE WIFE: Bald guy? Ooooooh!

[beat]

THE WIFE: (triumphantly) Cellino and Barnes!

[beat]

ME: Oh, wow....