Byzantium's Shores: chronicling the misadventures of an overalls-clad hippie

Here's a restaurant pet-peeve of mine: restaurants that fail to seat parties in the order that they come in, regardless of what seating arrangements are actually available.

Listen up, restaurant seating hostesses of the world: If a party of three enters the doors at 6:10 p.m., and a party of six enters at 6:25 p.m., and a table that can seat up to six becomes available, take the party of three first. End of discussion. That's the only way the system is going to work. If you try to keep a big table open because sooner or later a large party is going to come in, the interim period will only annoy the smaller parties you keep waiting at the door. (Of course, this is within reason. If you have a separate room or a very large table that is specifically designed for very large parties -- say, ten or more -- by all means, keep it for the large parties. But six? Nah. Let 'em wait. They should have left the house earlier.)

As a restaurant manager, yes, I prayed for that scenario to not actually occur: that a large party walk in and be put on a waiting-list because we seated two people at a table for six. But in nearly every case where we put the small party there, it was because there simply wasn't anywhere else available, and it's simply not fair to penalize customers who come in first because their party isn't as big as the party that may or may not be on its way in the door. And I never felt comfortable asking the small parties to move, unless they were finished with their meals and only engaging in post-meal discussion. (And not really even then, frankly.)

Of course, people with large parties tend to not be the most understanding folks in the world. They often didn't understand why a party of two or three could be told it would only be ten to fifteen minutes for a table, whereas the larger party might be told twenty to thirty. I once had a woman call the night before about the possibility of seating a party of eighteen, and I took her name and specifically told her that we did not take reservations, all seating was first-come-first-served, we couldn't guarantee that her entire large party would be together. She said OK…and then, the next day when she actually showed up, she got haughty, insisting that she had reservations, and that the manager to whom she had spoken had promised her immediate seating. I pointed out that I was the manager to whom she had spoken, that I had said no such thing, and that she'd have to wait.

(People will often lie to get their way in restaurants, like the family that would come in for Sunday buffet and claim that their two daughters were both under twelve, so as to get the cheaper kid's price…despite the fact that both daughters had, shall we say, blossomed nicely, and one had even driven the family van into the parking lot. I don't know too many twelve-year-olds with learner's permits. These people would look me in the eye and say these things…and since it was Sunday and they were invariably nicely dressed, I have to assume they'd come from church. Imagine that: lying through your teeth at the first stop upon leaving church on Sunday.)

So, look, seating hostesses: unless your restaurant actually takes reservations, then first-come, first served means precisely that. (Unless, of course, you're in one of those Disney World restaurants with that insane "Priority Seating" system. Do they still do that?)