Elen sila lumenn omentielvo!

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Saturday Centus

Hoo boy. I try not to complain...but wow, do I ever hate this week's prompt! This one is well and truly evil. Oh well, must make do. Jenny Matlock describes the assignment thusly:

I'm not 100% certain, but I think a lot of you probably have dreamt, albeit briefly, of being a Hallmark Superstar. It's OK to admit it. You're among friends here. How can you not want to attain the absolute pinnacle of writing success...cheesy sentiments for greeting cards!

With that in mind I scoured the web searching for the perfect romantic picture for you to create a mushy Hallmark-ish masterpiece around.


Now, with all due respect, I have to make an admission here: I have never, not once, harbored any desire whatsoever to write blurbs for Hallmark cards. I have made my own greeting cards in the past, choosing my own artwork and text, but the text I create is usually a poem of some sort, either one I've written or a poem I've liked from someone else. A standard "picture plus blurb" card, though? Nope. (Not that I'm implying that I am "above" such things, mind you; I've just never once wanted to come up with my own Hallmark Card-type of thing. My favorite store-bought cards tend to feature either funny cartoons from The Far Side, or beautiful artwork with no blurb at all inside, maybe just a generic "Happy birthday" kind of thing, with lots of space to write my own long-form greeting. That's just how I roll, greeting-card-wise.)

Anyway, we're supposed to write a Hallmark card. OK, fine. And we're given a picture to work from. Again, fine...except that this is the picture.



Oh, noes. What on Earth am I going to do with this? Now, if I was just going to caption this as a Wonder Woman reference, I'd do something like this:

"Uh, Steve? I'm not totally confident in this new plan of yours to capture the Cheetah."


But that's not a Hallmark card, unless it's a card for Comic Book Guy. What to do...well, OK, I'm stalling. This prompt is, as I said, evil. Jenny Matlock must right now be sitting in the command chair of her mountain fortress, drumming her fingertips together and chortling at the thought of the turmoil she's unleashing upon her Saturday Centus community.

OK, fine, enough stalling. Here's what I came up with:

From the rejection pile at Websters Dictionary:

OneTrueLove (n): That person who instinctively understands that there are some things we’ve done that should never, ever, EVER, be spoken of or referred to in any way.

Thank you for being my almost dictionary-defined OneTrueLove!


Best I could do, folks. Harumph.

(Oh, and a note to all the Centus participants whom I've met since I've started doing this: Feel free to participate in my twice-yearly game, Ask Me Anything! I'm taking queries all month!)

24 comments:

Sue said...

If I got that card, I'd love it!

=)

Porky said...

You know, it might be too good, too real.

dogsmom said...

Ah, and if that person could then refrain from speaking of it...
(not humanly possible)

takes Super Powers!

Deborah said...

LOL .. very good :o)

Judie said...

I am soooo with you on this!!!

Nonna Beach said...

I'm also with you on this one...Jenny in her mountain fortress with Darth Vader at her side...good one !!!

Happier Than a Pig in Mud said...

I think that fits the pic perfectly:@)

June Freaking Cleaver said...

Maybe the definition should be expanded to never PHOTOGRAPH one's love in an unflattering light!

Good job!

Nancy Jane said...

Perfect. If the folks at Webster's stop by you'll see this in the next edition...

jfb57 said...

Hallmark will definitely sign you up!


I didn't realise you had to link it to the picture!!

Jo said...

oh gee soooo funny ... i loved this ... and hey, hallmark does need some flavar!

5thsister said...

Perfection achieved!

noexcuses said...

This is great! Good thinking on your feet! Actually, I love writing one liners to old pictures!

Anna said...

You pulled it off! This could work on a card!
Best wishes,
Anna
Anna's SC-wk 41 Canine-Valentine

Kat said...

I agree with you 100%. Not only did I truly detest this prompt, I've never had the desire to write for Hallmark. As you can see from my Centus. You did a dandy job with this! Kat

Ames said...

I think you captured doggie humiliation perfectly!~Ames.

Viki said...

You did good. This has to probably be either my least favorite prompt or close to it LOL. Hopefully, next week will be better.

nimaruichi said...

I love the 'almost' :)

Karen S. said...

I know Hallmark is calling you on Monday for sure! Very cool!

Tgoette said...

Very nicely done! It was a tough challenge, but you rose to the (Valentine) occasion! Kudos!

gaelikaa said...

I found this prompt excruciating too. But somehow I managed. You see, I just love a challenge.

Gems said...

"Super!" and a great and original use of the prompt!

Jenny said...

OK, c'mon. Admit it. It was fun. And a challenge. right? Right? RIGHT?

I'm laughing so hard at this weeks links.

What a funny and fun way to pass a dreary Arizona Saturday afternoon.

If you hated this prompt I don't think I'll even see you linked for the grenade one.

It's just all about stretching your writing muscles...soooo much better than an aerobic workout!

Thanks for the laugh.

Jaquandor said...

If you hated this prompt I don't think I'll even see you linked for the grenade one.

Au contraire! :)