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Sunday, May 29, 2005

The List-o-Matic keeps on crankin'....

In the wake of the "100 Best Films" thing I posted about a few days ago, I find this "100 Worst Films" List, and I figure hey, why not bold the ones I've seen here, too. So, with occasional comment, here are some apparently really bad movies:

Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995)
An Alan Smithee Film-Burn Hollywood Burn (1998)
Anaconda (1997)
The Apple (1980)
Armageddon (1998) (This movie is a cinematic lava lamp. It's wretched crap, but every time I catch it on TV, damned if I don't end up watching a chunk of the thing. It's freaking hypnotic.)

Arthur 2: On The Rocks (1988)
Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (1980)
The Avengers (1998)
Baby Geniuses (1999)
The Bad News Bears Go To Japan (1978)
Barb Wire (1996)
Batman & Robin (1997) (I've never really hated this movie as much as everybody else, although I certainly admit that it's not very good. Maybe it was just seeing Alicia Silverstone in skintight rubber....)

Battlefield Earth (2000)
Best Defense (1984)
Best of the Best (1989)
The Beverly Hillbillies (1993)
The Blair Witch Project (1999)
Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000)
Boxing Helena (1993)
Caddyshack II (1988)
Caligula (1980)
Can I Do It ...Til I Need Glasses? (1977)
Can't Stop The Music (1980)
Car 54, Where Are You? (1994)
The Care Bears Movie II: A New Generation (1986)
The Cheech and Chong Films of the 1980's
Clambake (1967)
Cobra (1986)
The Concorde - Airport '79 (1979)
Cool As Ice (1991)
Crow: City of Angels (1996)
Drop Dead Fred (1991)
Dungeons & Dragons (2000)
The Exorcist Sequels (1977, 1990)
Far Out Man (1990)
The Forbidden Dance (1990)
The "Friday The 13th" Series (1980-1989) (Actually, I've only seen two of these, and I don't even know which ones they were. But both sucked, hard.)

The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987)
Glen or Glenda? (1953)
The Gods Must Be Crazy (1984US) and The Gods Must Be Crazy II (1989US)
Godzilla (1998) (Gack. Here's a movie that takes Jean Reno and says, "You're going to play a supporting character to the lead, who's played by Matthew Broderick!" And here's a movie that tells us that if you need to escape from a reptilian monster the size of Madison Square Garden, the vehicle you want is not an Apache attack helicopter but a New York City taxicab. Oy.)

Grease 2 (1982)
Gymkata (1985) (I caught this in the middle of the night once, and I was transfixed. I was also drunk, so for a time I wondered if I'd hallucinated the movie. Turns out I didn't.)

Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)
Harlem Nights (1989)
Heartbeeps (1981)
Heaven's Gate (1981)
The "Highlander" Sequels (1991, 1994) (I only saw the first sequel, not the second. Strangely enough, I thought the first one was every bit as crappy as the sequel that I saw.)

Howard The Duck (1986) (Why George Lucas always gets the blame for this thing, a movie he neither wrote nor directed and only produced as a favor to some friends, is beyond me.)

Hudson Hawk (1991) (I kinda liked this thing. It was one of those "So stupid it's good" movies, I thought.)

The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies (1963)
Independence Day (1996) (This film may have the worst writing, from the standpoint of the plot making sense, of all time.)

Ishtar (1987)
The Island of Dr. Moreau (1996)
It's Pat: The Movie (1995)
Jaws 4: The Revenge (1987) (Oh holy shit, this was a bad movie. I'll never forget the shark standing on its tail, half its body sticking out of the water. Jee-bus.)

Judge Dredd (1995)
Lambada (1990)
Last Action Hero (1993)
Leonard Part 6 (1987)
The "Look Who's Talking" Sequels (1990, 1993)
Lost In Space (1998)
Manos - The Hands of Fate (1966)
Mars Attacks! (1996)
Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997)
Natural Born Killers (1994) (I liked this when I saw it. I'd probably hate it now.)

The New Adventures of Pippi Longstocking (1988)
North (1994)
Nothing But Trouble (1991)
Penitentiary 2 (1982)
The Pirate Movie (1982)
Plan 9 From Outer Space (1959)
Pokémon: The First Movie (1999)
The "Police Academy" Series (1984- 1994)
Popeye (1980) (Oh, vomit.)

The Porky's Trilogy (1982, 1983, 1985)
The Postman (1997) (Another one I kind of liked, even if it was way too long and self-indulgent.)

Red Dawn (1984) (Total crap.)
Rhinestone (1984)
Rocky V (1990)
Sextette (1978)
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (1978)
Shanghai Surprise (1986)
Showgirls (1995)
Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997)
Spice World (1998)
Star Trek-The Motion Picture (1979) and the "odd numbered" original cast Star Drek sequels (Ummmm...no. See the Star Trek Redux articles, linked in my sidebar, for more details.)

Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace (1999) (You're killing me, folks.)

Stop! or My Mom Will Shoot (1992)
Striptease (1996)
Superman IV (1987) (Here we learn that a strand of Superman's hair can (a) support a one-ton weight, and yet (b) be cut with a simple pair of wire-cutters from Home Depot.)

Tarzan, The Ape Man (1981)
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and its sequels (1974-1997)
Titanic (1997) (The continuing backlash against this movie still surprises me. It's really a good movie, folks.)

Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me (1993)
Waterworld (1995) (Had this movie not cost something like five hundred billion dollars to make, its reputation would be higher, I suspect. It's not a bad film at all. Not a great one, sure, but one of the worst? Not by a longshot.)

Weekend at Bernie's and Weekend at Bernie's II (1989, 1993) (Saw the first. It sucked.)

Who's That Girl (1987)
Wicked Stepmother (1989)
Wild Orchids and Wild Orchids 2 (1990, 1992) (I don't remember which one of these I watched in college. It was supposed to be this incredibly erotic movie, though. I fell asleep.)

Wild Wild West (1999)
Xanadu (1980)

And there you have it. I'm glad I haven't seen all of those!

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